Home > Archive: September, 2021

Archive for September, 2021

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

September 27th, 2021 at 12:22 am

MIL dropped the bomb on us this week that she'd be giving us $10,000 soon and her daughter and her new husband (long, long time boyfriend) the same.  I was surprised, since she already gave us $6000 this year, plus paid for DD's liver tumor removal surgery.  I guess now that her daughter is married, she can give more money because the gift isn't just going to one person, it is split up in a couple.  She didn't do it before since they weren't married and wanted to keep it fair.  The amount you can gift one person is $13K, so she couldn't go over that, but now she can give each couple up to $26K a year, since half would go to one and half would go to the other.

I know there are a few things that need to be done that are small.  My husband, son, and I all need new computer chairs.  My husband might get a better desk since the working from home thing doesn't seem like it will be stopping any time soon.  I'd like to get an adjustable bedframe.  I've been saving up for it and can pay for about half, but it would take me another year to save for the other half, since it is $1500, plus tax, plus delivery.  Because of my disk issues, it would really make my life a lot easier to be able to sit up in bed and elevate my legs and it would help me to get out of bed on the really bad days when the rheumatoid arthritis is acting up.

I'd like to set aside $2000 towards DS's braces, I've got $3000 saved.  I'd like to set aside $2000 for a family vacation, just to rent a place on the waterfront next summer for a week or so.  I'd like to put $3000 aside for next year's medical deductible, and then anything else would go into the emergency fund.  I may not need to set aside as much for orthodontia as I think as DS will qualify for medical insurance in another month and his has orthodontia, but no dental plan I've ever seen pays for more than half of that.  In which case, if I don't need to save that, then that money will move into the EF as well.  So that's the good.

The bad is I hurt my hand.  It is in a spot where I have a habit of pressing my hands together and it is super painful right now.  I don't know what I even did to it, I was just cracking my knuckles and it felt like a blood vessel exploded and now it feels like a massive bruise.  It hurts a little when I type too long, but mostly it's because I keep acidentally touching it.  It looks bruised and swollen, too.  My daughter thinks I might have rolled a tendon or something.

As for the ugly, there has been a lot of drama this week.  My middle sister is being a drama queen (a consistent pattern of hers) over my Mom using tough love on her son and us backing her up.  This is the same sister who quite literally had to sell her house and move across the state into a one bedroom condo with her husband to get him out of the house, because he wouldn't move out, so Mom said he could live here a year if he did certain things he has not done.

Sister tried to manipulate me for information and when she didn't like the answers I gave her, tried to turn it around on me that I was blaming her for everything she has ever done in her entire life somehow.  I've only ever blamed her for two things in her life that she was responsible for and that was when we were kids, and I wasn't really blaming her this time, so much as saying this action of yours is why this is happening.  You did it so either undo it or deal with it.  Only more tactfully, because she's high maintenance.  I don't play the blame game, but I do expect people to take responsibility for their own actions.

She was always a master at turning things around on people to make them believe that they were in the wrong when she was.  Despite the fact that I have seen her do this in every relationship she has ever had, you don't grow up with a narcicisst and not sometimes fall under it.  She almost got me this time, but I realised the steps she was using and realized this was her and not me.  One, try to control, two, manipulate, three, gaslight, four, tantrum, five, play the victim, six, silent treatment, seven, hold a grudge, eight, martyr her way out and repeat.  She's on step six at current.

I hope she gets some therapy and grows up.  For someone who wanted to be nothing like either of our parents, she is the perfect product of the worst sides of both of them.  I'm just weary of giving her space in my head.  I'm tired of her turning on me every time I disagree with her, like I can't have opinions of my own.  So I have decided to go no contact with her.  She adds no joy to my life and I am tired of being the only one who tries to maintain the relationship.  It's no longer worth it.  I'm just done.

It's a big step and I know once she gets through her cycle she'll be back, but I just can't be there when she is.  I'm done.


Negative Covid Test

September 23rd, 2021 at 07:55 pm

It's been a rough month, but I no longer have Covid, my test results came back on Tuesday, so as soon as I get some of my stamina back I can go back out in public again.  I have also been on antibiotics and prednisone for 8 days today and have another 6 to go on just the antibiotics.  Because I can never get sick like that without developing a sinus infection.  It's doing a lot better, too, though I dread tomorrow when I won't have anymore prednisone.

The Delta variant is no joke.  The difference between how I went through it and how my BIL went through it was night and day.  He was unvaccinated and it took him 5 months to be cleared and he will have life long issues.  I was vaccinated and it took me a while to kick it, maybe 3 to 4 weeks due to my autoimmune issues, instead of 2.  Now, I won't tell anyone what they should or should not put into their bodies, but I do think it is important to share my experience.

I also had original Covid.  Do they call that Alpha?  I don't know.  That one was way harder than Delta with the vaccine, but apparently Delta without the vaccine is way harder than Alpha, according to what I have read.  I also have read several papers on this type of vaccine.  It did take me a long time to make up my mind and for my family, too, but we made an educated decision, not a rush to judgment one after seeking advice from two of my doctors.

So anyway, I have both natural and vaccine antibodies and I still got it.  It was not nice, it was not fun, and my chest and bronchial tubes still feel kind of bruised from all the coughing.  But I am out the other side.  And I am planning to get my overall health into better shape.

I was finally able to go to the chiropractor and he got my illial sacral joint back into place.  It had been causing so much agony, I couldn't stand for more than 20 seconds without it starting to cause debilitating pain.  Now I can.  I get another adjustment today and hopefully that will be the end of that. 

I did buy an elevated wedge pillow to sleep on and it has helped with the sinus issues and all the stuffiness I was having when waking up, but also it helped a lot with the phlegm, which was quite surprising.  It definitely helped with the GERD.  I am sleeping through the night and waking up with less back and hip pain and no heartburn.  In fact this morning when I woke up, there wasn't any pain for a moment and then I sat up and all bets were off, but still, that moment of no pain plus well rested was pretty awesome.

My nephew is finally going to be moving out.  He was only supposed to stay here a year and he hit that in March.  He was supposed to help around the house and he didn't.  He was supposed to get his learner's permit and take the driving class and he didn't.  He was supposed to get a job and he didn't.  And the deal breaker for my mother is his refusal to get vaccinated when there are 3 high risk individuals and 1 who works a high risk job with the public in the household.

So she gave him 30 days, because he was unwilling to do any of the things it was conditional of him livng here in the first place.  He just spent, as a 30-year-old man, over a year living in an attic, pretty much ignoring anyone else who lives in the house 95% of the time, running down to his girlfriend's family who were unvaccinated and worked with the public and not quarantining when he came back after he came home when we were locked down.  He shouldn't have gone anywhere at that point and I do think it was why we got Covid the first time.  We got sick the same month he moved in, when he was running back and forth all the time.

He was also inviting other unvaccinated people to visit from his birth family, but too many at once, not one at a time to minimize risk.  I think he has about $9000 left before he runs out of money and will have to get a job.  He was only paying Mom $100 a month.

He will be moving in with my eldest sister, who is not his mother.  She has a two bedroom apartment, and because she will not get vaccinated either, will be losing her job at a nursing home soon.  However she just turned 62, so she will get social security by the time that happens.  With my nephew paying half the bills for the apartment, she will be able to get by a lot better now.  So it works out for both of them.  If that hadn't been an option, we would have taken him to his parents.  Heaven knows my sister could use the help with her husband's recovery.

 Anyway, that's why I have been so quiet, but will hopefully feel good enough now to start posting again regularly.

Payday Report for 9/20/2021

September 23rd, 2021 at 06:57 pm

$281.04 Tithe

_325.00 Groceries Envelope

_500.00 Medical Fund

__75.00 Household Envelope

1181.34 Citi

_100.00 Gas Money

__78.82 Life Insurance DH

__60.46 Life Insurance Me

__48.71 Long Term Care Insurance

__50.00 DH Spending Money

__50.00 Me Spending Money

__30.00 DD Allowance

__30.00 DS Allowance


2810.37 Total Money Out

I run a zero based budget, so that brings the paycheck down to $0.00 left.

Additional Bills that were paid out of short term sinking funds, were the 6 month car insurance bill at $965.00 and the 2 month garbage bill at $86.79.  I set money aside monthly for these things in savings and then pay them when they come due.  It allows me to easily pay for bills that are irregular instead of monthly without having to worry about it at all.

I will be glad when the garden season is over and the last of the yard waste can go to the green dump for composting, as we've had that on top of regular carbage can fees each month as well.  It's $12 for a dump load of green waste, which isn't bad if you fill the whole truck, which we do.  I usually compost most things, but not tree trimmings, rose bush trimmings, or tomato and potato plants, which can carry blight.  So while I haven't budgeted monthly for green waste, I did drop some money into a sinking fund early last spring to deal with it.  We can probably do two more dump loads and then it will be gone.  So I may or may not have to budget more.

I did have to raise the amount I was setting aside for car insurance in the budget template.  I had saved $900 and their was an additional $65.  I had guesstimated how much more it would cost with DS as a licensed driver and was a little short because he is not getting the student discount this time as he is not a student right now.  Once he buys his car, he will pay for his own insurance (or the difference in ours) and we can go back to only paying $600 every six months.  Anyway, I am now saving $167 a month instead of 150 going forward.

Retirement Update

September 23rd, 2021 at 06:31 pm

Our retirement accounts have been in freefall for the last month, but the IRA started to recover yesterday.  The only thing keeping our retirement account from dipping under the amount I had lost time I reported was the contributions we made.  So this yesterday we finally pulled back ahead by $235.30.  Ugh.  Rate of return for the year, though, has dropped to 9.34%.

Hopefully they'll get all these dumperster fires put out in the government and in the country and things will recover better by the end of the year.  I'd like to have the same rate of return as the last two years, but that is probably a pipe dream.

Anyway, retirement now sits at $63,288.53.

Emergency Fund Update

September 18th, 2021 at 12:23 am

$16,756.69 Starting Balance

+__,_35.88 Allstate Safe Driver Check

+__,_10.00 Coin Jar

+__,___.58 Louisianna Pacific Dividend Check


$16,803.15 New Balance

Net Worth rises to 117,768.33

I'm not sure when I'll be able to add more to the EF.  Maybe January.  I'm more worried about adding to the medical fund currently.

Emergency Fund Update and Retirement Update

September 9th, 2021 at 03:25 am

I didn't put anything in the EF this payday, but last payday I had $49.93 left to go in, plus I had $3.38 in interest bringing the EF to $16,765.69.

They still haven't put this week's contribution in to the retirement account, which is very annoying.  I know there was a holiday on Monday, but it usually goes in on Friday and now it is Wednesday and nothing.  So I'm just going to list it anyway, since it rose quite a bit from my last retirement update.  It is now $63,053.23, a rise of $1878.19 since 8/7.  And that was with a near $1500 drop in the middle with that Afghanistan news of leaving American behind along with all our equipment.  Fortunatley it recovered all of that and then a bit more.  Around $1580 of that was our contributions.  If they ever drop our contribution in this week, I'll update again.

This brings our net worth to $117,721.87, a rise of $1931.95 since I last updated it, also on 8/7.

Payday Report for 9/3/2021

September 9th, 2021 at 03:12 am

I continue to save money to the medical fund at a rapid rate.  I need to save enough for orthodontia, plus enough for next year's medical deductible and out of pocket max.

I owed DS $9.59 because he picked stuff up from the store where he works for me, so I just added that to how much he got for his allowance.  He has $57.04 left to complete his $1000 emergency fund, so that will be met with his next paycheck.  At that point his allowance will drop from $60 every two weeks to $30 every two weeks, which is what we give his sister.  That will occur on our next payday, since he gets paid weekly.

I wanted to allow him to have spending money so he could put all his wages that didn't go to tithe or IRA, but since that is over, and he isn't doing as much around the house with his job, he can get the minimal amount we give DD, who is incapable of doing much due to her disabilities.  When he goes to full time that allowance will be gone completely.  He will be saving up for a car next and after that he will start saving for school.  He want to be an electrician.

Anyway, here's the payday report.  Every dollar is accounted for as we run a zero based budget.

$277.27 Tithe

_500.00 Utilities

_200.00 Groceries Envelope

_500.00 Medical Fund

__75.00 Household Envelope

_118.18 Internet

__36.00 Garbage

_150.00 Car Insurance Fund

_716.73 Citi

__50.00 DH spending money

__50.00 My spending money

__65.59 DS Allowance plus money owed him

__30.00 DD Allowance


2772.77 Total Money Out