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The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

September 27th, 2021 at 12:22 am

MIL dropped the bomb on us this week that she'd be giving us $10,000 soon and her daughter and her new husband (long, long time boyfriend) the same.  I was surprised, since she already gave us $6000 this year, plus paid for DD's liver tumor removal surgery.  I guess now that her daughter is married, she can give more money because the gift isn't just going to one person, it is split up in a couple.  She didn't do it before since they weren't married and wanted to keep it fair.  The amount you can gift one person is $13K, so she couldn't go over that, but now she can give each couple up to $26K a year, since half would go to one and half would go to the other.

I know there are a few things that need to be done that are small.  My husband, son, and I all need new computer chairs.  My husband might get a better desk since the working from home thing doesn't seem like it will be stopping any time soon.  I'd like to get an adjustable bedframe.  I've been saving up for it and can pay for about half, but it would take me another year to save for the other half, since it is $1500, plus tax, plus delivery.  Because of my disk issues, it would really make my life a lot easier to be able to sit up in bed and elevate my legs and it would help me to get out of bed on the really bad days when the rheumatoid arthritis is acting up.

I'd like to set aside $2000 towards DS's braces, I've got $3000 saved.  I'd like to set aside $2000 for a family vacation, just to rent a place on the waterfront next summer for a week or so.  I'd like to put $3000 aside for next year's medical deductible, and then anything else would go into the emergency fund.  I may not need to set aside as much for orthodontia as I think as DS will qualify for medical insurance in another month and his has orthodontia, but no dental plan I've ever seen pays for more than half of that.  In which case, if I don't need to save that, then that money will move into the EF as well.  So that's the good.

The bad is I hurt my hand.  It is in a spot where I have a habit of pressing my hands together and it is super painful right now.  I don't know what I even did to it, I was just cracking my knuckles and it felt like a blood vessel exploded and now it feels like a massive bruise.  It hurts a little when I type too long, but mostly it's because I keep acidentally touching it.  It looks bruised and swollen, too.  My daughter thinks I might have rolled a tendon or something.

As for the ugly, there has been a lot of drama this week.  My middle sister is being a drama queen (a consistent pattern of hers) over my Mom using tough love on her son and us backing her up.  This is the same sister who quite literally had to sell her house and move across the state into a one bedroom condo with her husband to get him out of the house, because he wouldn't move out, so Mom said he could live here a year if he did certain things he has not done.

Sister tried to manipulate me for information and when she didn't like the answers I gave her, tried to turn it around on me that I was blaming her for everything she has ever done in her entire life somehow.  I've only ever blamed her for two things in her life that she was responsible for and that was when we were kids, and I wasn't really blaming her this time, so much as saying this action of yours is why this is happening.  You did it so either undo it or deal with it.  Only more tactfully, because she's high maintenance.  I don't play the blame game, but I do expect people to take responsibility for their own actions.

She was always a master at turning things around on people to make them believe that they were in the wrong when she was.  Despite the fact that I have seen her do this in every relationship she has ever had, you don't grow up with a narcicisst and not sometimes fall under it.  She almost got me this time, but I realised the steps she was using and realized this was her and not me.  One, try to control, two, manipulate, three, gaslight, four, tantrum, five, play the victim, six, silent treatment, seven, hold a grudge, eight, martyr her way out and repeat.  She's on step six at current.

I hope she gets some therapy and grows up.  For someone who wanted to be nothing like either of our parents, she is the perfect product of the worst sides of both of them.  I'm just weary of giving her space in my head.  I'm tired of her turning on me every time I disagree with her, like I can't have opinions of my own.  So I have decided to go no contact with her.  She adds no joy to my life and I am tired of being the only one who tries to maintain the relationship.  It's no longer worth it.  I'm just done.

It's a big step and I know once she gets through her cycle she'll be back, but I just can't be there when she is.  I'm done.


1 Responses to “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly”

  1. LivingAlmostLarge Says:

    Wow. Congrats on the blessing. So where will you earmark the $10k for? House down payment? Retirement?

    Hope you can just rest the hand and it's not something more serious.

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