I didn't think it was humanly possible to have a worse insurance than Aetna, but DH's company's new insurance, Premera, is proving me wrong. They are automatically not allowing any brand name prescription medications even though the plan covers brand name medications. They are making us get preapproval for every freaking medication that is not a generic.

I have 3 medications that I have to take the brand name drug for, one of which basically keeps me walking. I have been through every generic in the book and they either had side effects that made me ill, or simply did not do the job right. I am so tired of insurance companies who think they know better than the doctor.

Medical insurance is supposed to be a benefit, not a hoop that they expect us to jump through every time we need to refill a prescription. We bloody well pay enough for it every month, plus the $2500 deductible. Premera was supposed to take over the contract as it was, but so far they aren't. They are only covering 60% of dental exams and cleanings when it is supposed to be 100%. Even with generics, a drug that was $2.53 before is now suddenly $15. It doesn't even cost $15. The pharmacy cash price is $11.03 so that is how I had them run it. I am just so frustrated.

Now I have to run down to the doctor's office, which is pretty out of the way, and give them my new insurance card information so they can sort everything out. Or try to. And hope I don't get charged for an office visit. Grr.

On Monday I added $6.08 to the coin jar. Yesterday I added $2.55.

Yesterday we bought 2 bales of horse quality hay and a 50 pound bag of feed for the rabbits. We also bought three feeder dishes to attach to the tractors for the various sets of kits and one of the 32 ounce glass water bottles since they had one in. And we bought a tunnel for the littlest kits. I can't find my receipts, DH might have them, but we spent close to $85.

We got takeaway yesterday from the Polynesian place, so that was $33.85.

I got gas on Tuesday, $50.00. (It shuts off automatically at $50, and I didn't want to go inside to further authorize my credit card). We haven't spent that much on gas this summer at all. This is the first time I think I've filled up since June.

Yesterday I got a prescription for $11.03.

And I think that covers all of the spending this week.

Today was payday. I transferred $100 to the EF and I had $36.50 in my coin jar ready to deposit so did that as well. This brings my EF to $5618.14. My goal for July was to get the EF to $5500, so I exceeded that quite nicely. My goal for August is $5800. I also added $5.54 to the coin jar this evening.

It looks like DH's next shift will be a 3 weeks on/1 week off, so we will definitely get one extra paycheck. DH says there is enough work that he will probably do two 3 and 1's. If that is so, we should be able to pay off the mortgage by the end of September without touching the Emergency Fund. I had forgot about the extra paycheck, of which we can send $3000 to the mortgage.

I made a mortgage payment today leaving us with a new total of $10616.89. Minus $3000 in principal will leave us at $7616.89. There will be the August payment of $700 minus the 52.50 interest, which will put us at 6969.39. Two extra paychecks in August and September will give us $7200. So if that all works out it's gone. I hope it does. I will be so happy if it does. I just want to own it free and clear, so that if it takes a while to sell, at least we are not making payments meanwhile.

Then that will leave just the van loan to start throwing money at. Without the mortgage payment and the extra principal we've been paying each month, we should be able to throw $1500 at the van loan each month.

Okay, on to the accounting of the paycheck:

$1000.00 to Mom Loan
__700.00 to mortgage
___90.00 Physical Therapy
___45.67 House Insurance
___41.16 Security Monitoring (Old House)
__168.00 Storage
___32.70 Life Insurance Me
___39.53 Life Insurance DH
___66.62 Car Insurance
__100.00 Emergency Fund
__100.00 Laptop Fund
__100.00 Freezer Fund
___80.00 Kids
__100.00 Cash for Week
----------
$2663.68

I also spent $200 on groceries and $100 to build up my over the counter medicine stock. I needed to buy Zyrtec, nasal spray, cold medicine, sleeping medicine, and heartburn meds. I also bought two bottles of hair dye.

DD dyed my hair tonight. It takes two bottles because from root to ends it measures two feet long and it is so thick it is ridiculous. So no more gray at all. It's a darker auburn than my own hair which is sort of a brownish, goldish, red with grey streaks at my temples that when I was much younger were naturally ash blonde streaks. I used to say I had chameleon hair because it has so many colors in it.

We used a natural hair dye that my food co-op sells. I haven't colored my hair in a couple of years so it kind of surprised me what a difference it makes. It took forever to rinse out, though. I think I may cut my bangs again. They are already in my eyes. I have gotten quite good at bang trims. I have been debating going in to have it done, but honestly, if it is just a bang trim it seems silly to waste $10.

My homeowner's association sent out the bill for the half year dues. Apparently the fee has been lowered to $100. I had saved $127 for it, so I transferred the extra $27 to the Emergency Fund. The new total in the Emergency Fund is $5461.64. I need to come up with $38.36 to meet my July goal of $5500.

I added $8.78 to the coin jar, which is all the ones and the change DH had in his wallet before he left for Alaska. He dumped it all on my nightstand and I just got around to counting it. Plus I found a quarter and a penny this week.

I had to pay a doctor's bill yesterday, so that was $93.77. I have physical therapy today so that will be $90. I have had a major burger craving this week so I may sneak off after physical therapy and get one. I am debating between doing that and making them for dinner. I am just usually so wiped out after physical therapy I often don't want to cook. But I have been doing so well with not eating out. Hopefully I can resist it.

I had physical therapy this morning. It cost $90. I'm not walking crooked anymore.

Working hard to get all the Crazy Eights codes today at Swagbucks. So far I've gotten them. If you don't know about swag codes and you do Swagbucks, every so often they release special codes that you can enter in to get extra SB's. Today their are supposed to be doing 8 different codes. You can find them on their Facebook page.

Not sure how much it is going to cost, but we need to get a couple more glass water bottles for the rabbits. We started weaning Piper's litter yesterday and the two kits we took away won't drink out of the plastic water bottles, but neither will Piper and the other kits. We had to take one of the two off Piper's cage and just make sure we are filling them more often. The one store has them for $12.95 for the 32 ounce bottle, but they were sold out.

We will go to the other store and see if they have any in. While we are there we will pick up some more feed, since DH is home to carry it. Will also pick up the rabbit tunnel I didn't get last time we were there and maybe a couple of little balls for the rabbits to play with. If they have all that I want, we should spend about $80 plus tax there.

We lost a kit yesterday, one of Phoebe's week old ones. It was sad and she was upset, but seems fine today. Poor little thing fell out of the cage when it was being cleaned and no one saw it happen. It burrowed into the hay to keep warm and got stepped on.

DH finished all the rabbit tractors and got all the new cages built. We should be set for a while. Can't think of anything else.

I received another $5 gift card from Swagbucks. I transferred it to my Amazon account. My GC balance there is now $145. I'm saving it for Christmas. I have hit my daily goals for the last several days, except for Tuesday. 140 is too high to waste the time on it. I'll probably hit today's though as I have a lot of online reading to do this afternoon and can have SBTV running the whole time.

I added $5.95 to the coin jar. Two more nickels and I'll have enough for a roll.

I've got $20 in cash and $55.77 in the checkbook to get me through until payday Friday. I need to buy milk and I want to buy strawberries if the specific farm stand I like the berries from is open. I hope that it is.

Our big screen television quit working. I can't figure out why. It turns on, there is just no image. DH will have to look at it when he comes home next week. I'm not terribly upset by it. Well, I mean, it's only four years old, I think, it should still be running, so from a consumer stand point I'm irked, but I'm not in any hurry to go out and buy a new one. We don't have television service, the kids just played games on it or sometimes watched DVDs.

I let the kids take the television out of my bedroom. We never use it. It had a thick layer of dust on the top and the screen that had to be wiped off and the remote batteries were dead. It's about ten years old and while it has a flat screen it still has the ginormous backside the old tech had. It's just 20 inches.

It is possible the big screen can be fixed, but I don't see much point in buying a new one. DH and I watch stuff on our laptops, generally. I have to admit it is nice for the big sci-fi shows, but I can't even remember the last time I used it. Maybe after we move we might replace it. I just don't want to move a big TV ourselves. It is a pain. Better to have it delivered to our next abode if we even bother with it at all. Those TV's are such energy hogs.

I have an appointment with the sleep doctor in 9 hours. As you can tell from the time stamp he's not done me much good. Our insurance is switching to Premera next month. Hopefully they will accept that. They stopped accepting Aetna, (and rightly so, since Aetna are cheapskates, whose first response is to deny everything at least once) so the last couple visits have been out of pocket.

I'm going to try one more mask and if that doesn't work, I'm done. I just can't use the machine if I'm taking the mask off in my sleep because it doesn't fit right or is uncomfortable.

Well, I suppose I should try yet again to get some sleep. I'm quitting caffeine right now (again) so I won't have that as a crutch tomorrow.

My husband made it home safely last night, but his luggage did not. This is the first time he's even checked a bag in ages. He usually just travels with his carry on. Anyway the airport (the local one) said they would deliver his bag in the morning and he would get a $25 off his next flight coupon, or he could come get it himself and get a $50 off his next flight coupon. He opted for the second choice, since the airport is five miles away and it doesn't (yet) take $50 worth of gas to go there.

He also got a $20 off your next flight coupon for some other reason. I didn't ask. But anyway they can be used together, so he'll get $70 off his next purchased ticket, which is great.

He went to the dentist this morning and there was a balance on my daughter's account, so he paid it with the credit card. *sighs* He is not supposed to do that. They hadn't even billed us for it yet. Well, the bill arrived this afternoon. But I like to pay medical/dental/vision out of checking because it makes it easier to track it for the HSA. And I like to plan for it.

If he hadn't paid it, it would have come out of Friday's paycheck. Anyway, I told him not to do that again, please. I don't like it when my budgeting gets messed up, especially with HSA stuff, and unnecessary charges get made to the credit card. And of course he got the mail so I have no idea where the heck the bill is so I can write down on it the information for the HSA. Love him to pieces, but he messes with my system something fierce sometimes.

I don't even know if he got a payment receipt and even if he did, the likelihood that I will ever see it is pretty small, since I'm sure it's been misplaced by now. So I may not even be able to use this for the HSA at all. Urgh. I know he was just trying to be helpful. *shakes head* I'm trying not to be a complete control freak over this, but I'm afraid I'm not doing very well at it!

I transferred the $44.99 left in checking to the Emergency Fund, which now totals $3902.12.

Payments made:

$1000.00 to Mom
$1000.00 to BoA VISA
__757.82 to Car loan (extra to principal)
___90.00 Physical Therapy
___44.87 Phone Old House
___23.39 Electric Old House
------------
$2916.08

I also took out $100 cash for the week, $30 for the kids' allowances, and spent $145.07 on groceries.

I still need to make a trip to the food co-op and then I should have at least $200 left for the Wisconsin Fund.

I have made it 3 weeks on one tank of gas and still have a third of a tank, so I think I'll make it until next payday before having to fill up. I am glad of it since gas has hit $4 a gallon. Of course, the reason I still have so much gas is that my daughter missed nine days of school with the evil stomach flu (she threw up so hard one day she broke all the blood vessels in her face, giving her skin a freckled appearance) and that the chiropractor took a two week vacation. The only places I drove during that time are to the grocery store and the feed store and physical therapy (one of which I cancelled when I had the evil stomach flu).

I am steadfastly ignoring the laundry and the garden today. I woke up feeling exhausted, so other than taking care of the animals, I have done nothing. The kids had plenty of leftovers to eat so are fending for themselves while I just lay in bed. I thought I was over the evil stomach flu, but I think I may be going in for round 2. Ugh.

I ordered an electric razor off Amazon today. I haven't had one in over 3 years. I usually steal DH's, but he takes it to work with him, which means I don't have one while he is gone and I really hate using disposable ones. It doesn't bother me much during the fall, winter, and spring to have hairy legs, but now it's finally shorts weather, so I gave in and made the purchase. It was a $65 razor and with shipping it came to $82. Mostly because they didn't have a standard shipping option, only a two day shipping option. Oh, well, that was the one I wanted, one that was both rechargeable and usable with a power cord.

I also picked up a prescription today. It was $2.43. I am hoping to make it through the rest of the week with no spending. Well, I say week. I actually mean until payday on Friday when I will pay the bills and go grocery shopping. I shouldn't need anything between now and then. Still resisting the urge to pick up takeaway. The urge is always there, but I am getting back into the habit of cooking so it is getting easier to resist.

Yesterday when I went to the chiropractor who was finally back from his long vacation, I looked at my card and I don't have to pay the next month of the chirocare family plan until June 28th. He added 13 days to my card to replace the 13 days he was gone. Normally it's due around the fifteenth. Which means I don't have to pay it out of this month's cycle at all. It can wait until the next cycle starts up. And because the 28th is a Friday and they are closed on Friday's we won't have to start the next plan until July 1st. It will still come out of the 28th's paycheck, though.

Meanwhile, that gives me $225 to work with that I wouldn't have had this month. It'll go into the Wisconsin Fund. It comes out of the 6/14 paycheck.

I think I forgot to say what my last coin jar update was. It was $5.65. The way I organize my coin jar is that all loose coins go in the jar, but all bills go into an envelope that I keep in the dresser drawer beneath the coin jar. On occasion I'll get 50 cent piece or a dollar coin and they'll go into the envelope, too. Right now there is a 50 cent piece in with my ones. Anytime I get enough change together to roll coins, then the rolled coin roll goes into the envelope, too. Whenever the amount in the envelope hits $30 or more I make a deposit.

I hit my daily goal yesterday on Swagbucks. I am not sure how since it was 100. I guess I was on the computer a lot yesterday so had the SBTV running in the background. I didn't search much, but I did get the first LA collectors bill. I also cashed in for a $5 gift card from Amazon. I don't know if I'll hit my goal today or not. It's 80, but I don't know if I'll have as much time to spend on the computer today.

I have five things coming out of Friday's paycheck, $1000 to Mom, the car payment, the electric bill for the old house, the phone for the old house, and $1000 to the BoA VISA. Then for 6/14 paycheck I have $2000 to BoA VISA and vacation will be paid off, the internet bill, and $1000 to the EF. There might be a few middling expenses charged to the Visa as DH will be coming home right before I pay that, but there is plenty there to pay it in full. It'll be nice to get back to doing that each month again. I think we only had it paid off for 2 months before going on vacation. It might have only been for one.

The 6/21 paycheck will be the small one with just two day's wages on it. That will be split between groceries, miscellaneous, the sleep doctor, and a good portion of it to the Wisconsin Fund. It looks like FIL and MIL will be staying at their condo from their travel club when they go, so DH might be able to crash there with them. If he didn't have to pay for a hotel that would make things a lot easier.

I had thought it was in Milwaukee, but it sounds like the hospital FIL will be going to is in Madison. I'm not sure if they've got a date yet, but the further out in summer or fall they get it, the easier it will be on our financials to find the money for this. I know you have to schedule quite a ways in advance for these things.

I think June is just going to be a very smoothly functioning money month, so long as I don't throw caution to the wind and decide to eat out a bunch. It is not on the agenda for this week, that is for sure. I have too much lovely food to cook that I am looking forward to making this week. And since I finally got a full night's sleep last night, I'm not going to be too tired to cook it.

Being sick for a week has been good for our bottom line. I ended up with $205 in savings from money I didn't spend this week. I had originally intended for this to go for groceries. Of course, not eating for 3 days and DD not eating for 3 days, made a big difference in groceries, too.

So I am setting that money aside. I am not going to put it into the Emergency Fund no matter how much I want to. I am going to put it into a temporary fund earmarked towards FIL's upcoming heart surgery. He is going to be having one for a bulging aorta soon, which was a result of the myocardial infarction he had a couple of years ago. He is choosing to go to Wisconsin to do it. The best doctor for that particular operation is there. The second best is here, but I guess they don't want to take that chance, even though it would be massively less expensive.

So they'll be there for a while and MIL wants DH to be able to come for part of it. DH can't take off work so it would have to be during one of his home shifts. We really can't afford it without wiping out a lot of our savings. Round trip flight will be around $800. Several days in a hotel and food around $1200. So we're looking at trying to come up with $2000.

I won't take it out of our Emergency Fund. The EF is for our emergencies, not other people's decisions to fly halfway across the country. So I'm going to try to squeeze it out elsewhere. I figure if I raid some of our other funds, the laptop fund, the Christmas fund, the Hawaii 2018 Fund, the appliance fund and the college fund, that's $700. So that puts me at $905. I'd just need to figure out where the other $1095 will come from.

I guess some of it can come from the overtime week DH is working. I still want to save $1000 for the EF from that, but I figure I can at least put the freezer on hold again and the $1000 for that could be saved in the temp fund. I doubt he'll get it scheduled before the end of summer, so we can likely save the difference.

I am trying not to be resentful of the fact that we will have to spend this $2000 on something that is not our goals. I know this is important to offer support to the in-laws. But I can't help feeling like if it was me, I'd do it locally and save the extra expense. It's not like the doc here is bad at this surgery. The other guy has just done it more. But this guy trained under that guy so the skill set should be there.

It's one thing if there was no one available locally, but there is. At least FIL can do all of his follow up care here. I will work on keeping my resentment to myself. It is uncharitable of me and not something I want the in-laws to see, because I do love them like parents. Parents who often think with their hearts and not their heads, but parents nonetheless.

I went to the sleep doctor today and we are trying yet another C-Pap mask. This one is smaller and is a much better fit. In fact I took a nap using it this afternoon (woke up feeling sick this morning and very tired, but it could just be the cottonwood blooming and the Scotch broom) and I didn't take it off in my sleep and I slept pretty hard for 3 hours. So I think we may finally have a winner. I had to pay $144 upfront for my visit since the doctor's practice quit playing nice with Aetna who is one of stingiest reimbursers for medical insurance.

-----

Yesterday was the day of the $10 auto deposit to savings. That brings the Emergency Fund to $3662.32. $37.68 to go to hit my May goal of $3700.

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The three people that were trapped in the bridge collapse yesterday are in stable condition with only minor injuries. It was a miracle only three cars went down with the bridge.

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4 out of the 7 rabbit kits have opened their eyes. The other 3 are working on it. They are so adorable. They are 12 days old.

-----

The carpet is going to be laid on May 30th, which hopefully means the finishing touches will be put on the house the weekend of the 1st and 2nd. I really wanted to put it on the market in May, but now if we get it on there by mid-June it will still be early enough to hit those buyers who want to buy and move in over the summer so they are all set for school for their children before it begins in the fall. Since it's a 4 bedroom home in a neighborhood with lots of kids, I'm assuming it will appeal to the family market as opposed to the Canadian vacationer or the American retiree. Hopefully it won't just sit there.

Of course I can't get my hopes up yet, because I'm sure they will find a way to make it take longer than it should. That's been the case since this began. At least the rug is being installed by rug people and not the people doing the rest of the work so they won't be able to back out of it for spurious reasons.

Okay, now for all the things that went out of this paycheck.

$1000.00 to Mom
___90.00 Physical Therapy
___35.42 Electric Old House
__757.82 Van Loan (plus extra)
___51.78 Garbage (one extra can this month)
__212.71 Medical
___41.78 Security Old House
___72.56 Internet
__225.00 Monthly Chiropractic Family Plan
__105.00 Propane Fund
___19.00 Dues Fund
__100.00 Property Tax Fund
__100.00 College Fund
__100.00 Appliance Fund
__100.00 Christmas Fund
__100.00 Laptop Fund
__100.00 Vacation Fund (Hawaii 2018)
___28.00 Kids' Allowances
___75.00 Three NZW rabbits from different bloodline
__100.00 Cash for the Week
------------
$3414.07 Total Paid Out

We are down to owing Mom $72,000. That means 6 years left to go, if we continue on the repayment of $1000 a month. It will be gone when we are both 49. Our van will be paid off well before that. After that is paid off we will work on paying off the mortgage on our small farm that we plan to buy once our house sells. And also play mega catch up with retirement. We want to go into retirement 100% debt free, which will make it easier to get by on less. As will raising our own meat and growing our own produce as much as possible.

It feels like we are finally starting to really pull ahead as I plan for future needs and am able to set the money aside each month. We are two paychecks ahead of our bills now and we have half a month's income in the Emergency Fund. It's getting there and each small step I take has built on the last one. Some people may scoff at $10 here or $5 there, but I know. I know from experience that it is the little things just as much as the big things that get you there.

The wing of the house we live in is connected to the main house by two steps. They are very big steps, one foot deep by four feet long. Last night I managed to miss the top step and went sprawling forward at a 45 degree angle. I put my hands out to stop myself against the furnace closet doors and that did slow me down for a second, but then I went all the way down onto my knees and managed to end up on my elbows, too, somehow.

It took me five minutes to get myself together. I had to scoot on my butt to the bathroom because I had hurt my hands and knees enough I couldn't crawl and I couldn't push myself off the floor. I had to use my forearms on the bathtub to leverage myself back up.

I had to sleep on my back last night because I couldn't sleep on either arm and when I'd roll in my sleep I'd wake up from it. This morning my elbows have black bruises and my knees are very blue. Even the heels of my hands are bruised. Thankfully I can walk okay today except it hurts to climb the stairs. The part ofthe knees I hit was just under the knee caps, not on them, thank goodness. My hands are a bit sore, but not as bad as last night or even this morning. My neck and shoulders were stiff. I jarred myself good. It's the elbows that are the worst, though.

I am going to go sit in the hot tub at the health club tomorrow. I don't dare take a bath because getting up out of it might be impossible, even with handicapped grab bars, since my hands don't want to grip right. I can type okay, so I don't think it's more than bruising. I don't think any of it is more than bruising and muscle strain.

I went and got a massage today ($90) and it made a big difference in my functionality the rest of the day. I really wanted to work in the garden this weekend. Not sure what I can do because there will be no sitting on my knees, but I might be able to use a shovel to get the bigger weeds out. This will be the first dry weekend in ages and I really wanted to make use of it. I don't want to just lay around all weekend because I think that will make it worse, not better. At least my back is okay.

I need to do a payday post, but I haven't gotten my stuff together yet. I have food in the crockpot so no matter the temptation to eat out to take it easy on myself, the smell of the food cooking is preventing that. I did switch out my menu plan days though so I could have the ease of cooking a roast today. The nice thing about having plans for several meals is that when life throws you a curve ball like this you can adjust accordingly. So I did.

I haven't been very together this week. Queen's death, while expected, still threw me for a loop. I've got my equillibrium back today, so I thought I better get my head out of the clouds and pay some attention to the finances. Although they were basically on auto pilot this week anyway. Nothing much happens during the last week of the month. I took care of property tax ($424.58, half year) and the water bill ($144, two months) on Friday which were the only things due. I also had physical therapy on Friday ($90).

Yesterday I cashed out at Swagbucks for a $5 gift cared to Amazon. I haven't really been paying much attention to SB this month, so only got $10 in GC's. Today they seem to be giving double points for everything so I've got SBTV running in the backrgound. I have just been more busy this month than usual and not wanting to waste so much of my free time on it.

I got 11 cents and a sheet of address labels from some charity I have not donated to in over ten years. I have written them and asked them to stop sending me appeals so they don't waste their money on me, but they don't listen. I have no compunction against using what they send. I donated well to them for five years, but my charitable contributions are focused elsewhere now, locally. Anyway, that is my fifth or sixth dime this month.

I added $12.26 to the coin jar today. I had a lot of ones in my purse.

I stopped by the feed store and bought a 40 pound bag of rabbit pellets. It is $14.99 plus tax, so $16.29 altogether.

I paid the AMEX off ($271.92) for the month. I need to make a large payment to BoA VISA, but I need to balance the checkbook first. With the large amount of overtime money in the bank account, I haven't been balancing daily like normal, so I'm a week behind. I'm nowhere near overspending or anything, just need to know exactly where I am at so I can figure out how big the payment can be.

My electric bill has been moved from the 7nth to the 13th. They have changed how they bill, so last month's was a little higher to compensate for the extra week. Now it's back to normal and I do like that it is away from the first week of the month. I really don't like anything being due then, because that is when all the autopays come out and I don't want to think about having to write out a check. Their website sucks, they use impossible to decipher captchas, and the amount is variable from month to month so I don't autopay or pay that one online.

I have made it through my second day of no eating out and sticking to the meal plan. I've been wasting more money than I want to think about on takeaway and last minute grocery runs for deli food because I have been under the weather and haven't felt like cooking. I aim to get that back under control. I am sure I will stop feeling better eating homecooked food again, too.

I guess that about catches me up. At least I can't think of anything else for now.

I pretty much refused to leave the property yesterday, since DD stayed home from school and DS is homeschooled. I have a sinus infection that has been kicking me hard. I have antibiotics but they take a bit to start working. But anyway, not going anywhere ensured a no spend day. Today won't be one. I caved and grabbed a couple of hashbrowns from a fast food drive-thru as it was the only way I was getting breakfast. There was very little time between taking my daughter to school and caring for the life stock. I wanted to do a few things on the computer before my very early appointment with the sleep doctor. This should be fun considering I got zero sleep last night.

I am going to ask sleep doctor to double my sleep meds. I just cannot fall asleep with this darn C-PAP machine on unless I knock myself sidewise with sleeping pills. Right now I have to take 1 zolpidem, 75 mg of amytriptalline, 2 Benadryls and 2 (generic) Excedrin PM's to get to sleep at all. I'd rather just take 2 zolpidem and be down for the count. So hopefully he will agree to that or I am just done with the trying to use the C-PAP at all. My apnea is not that bad, certainly not life-threatening, but the treatment for it is not improving my insomnia at all. I was getting deeper and better sleep when I did sleep before. Now I feel like I'm running on empty all the time instead of just half of the time.

I think I could adapt to one or the other of the masks if I could just fall asleep on my side. I can't fall asleep on my back. I've never been able to, but that is the only way the masks fit on properly. If you try to sleep on your side it pushes partway off and then it doesn't work right. Makes me crazy.

If I can get 2 zolpidem, I think I'd be knocked out before I realized I was falling asleep on my back. And at least it is a cheap medicine. 30 pills costs like $2.45 or something. I wish I could get off all of it, but that's only ever going to happen if I can sleep regularly to begin with.

I will try to take a nap when I get back from the sleep doctor appointment, without the machine. I will sleep until two and go pick up DD and then do homeschool with DS. That's the nice thing about homeschool, if you don't sleep, you can take a nap and do lessons in the evening. DS won't mind. He has a new train layout he's putting together and Mom will be around all day.

$300.00 to Mom for utilities
__45.67 Old House Insurance
__66.62 Car Insurance
__39.53 DH Life Insurance
__32.70 Me Life Insurance
_168.00 Storage
_312.20 Dental (paid off!)
_105.86 FCN Medical
_106.77 PHMG Medical
__54.66 Electric Old House
_700.00 Mortgage Old House (extra to principle)
__45.41 Phone Old House
__72.56 Internet
_757.82 Van Loan (extra to principle)
__41.16 Security System Old House
_100.00 Propane Old House
_100.00 Emergency Fund
__19.00 Holding Tank for Garbage
__17.00 Holding Tank for HoA Dues Old House
__24.29 Holding Tank for Property Taxes
_300.00 Beef Money
_100.00 Cash for week
__70.94 4 Prescriptions
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$3580.19 Total Paid Out

Some of the bills listed here were actually paid out earlier in the week, from the paycheck two weeks ago.

My physical therapist cancelled last minute today so that $90 didn't go out today.

I also spent some money at the feed store to get a bag of rabbit pellets, 2 hay racks, and a nail trimmer. This store is downtown where the old railroad tracks used to be. Feed stores were often located right off the railroad in towns so that stuff could be unloaded right there and the feed store didn't have to pay extra to have it hauled. The big bag of rabbit pellets cost $14.99 as opposed to the $18.59 charged at the other place that is no longer carrying it. I misplaced the receipt, well, I left it in the car, but I spent about $40 there.

I made it all of two days staying out of the grocery store. I got my C-PAP machine today and I need distilled water to run it, so I had to go buy some. It was .99 a gallon and I bought two. And then I sort of decided since I was at the grocery store anyway, that I might as well buy bananas. And strawberries. Bye-bye 100 mile foodshed and buying foods in season.

DD has been throwing up for the past 24 hours so I ended up adding soup and crackers to my shopping cart. I didn't even think about buying onions so I could make stock and make my own soup. And box a of Puffs with the lotion in it, because the killer snot monster from outer space has attacked and my nose is tender and there is just something creepy about the coldness of the Kleenex with aloe in it. It always makes me feel like the tissue is wet.

I don't know if it is allergies or I am catching my niece's cold, or someone else on the airplane's cold. I am hoping it is just allergies, because of the flowering dogwood, flowering cherries, and forsythia all going strong right now. And some kind of orange flower (marigold, I think) that bloomed up until December last year is blooming right now, way early.

Anyway, the shopping got away from me a little. But now there really is no more need for me to go to the store again for a good while, so hopefully I'll have better luck staying out of it for the next few days.

1. To not set foot in the grocery store for any reason. I have all that I need. I might want bananas, but I have oranges and strawberries and canned pineapple and canned pears. Bananas are a want, not a need and they can wait a week.

2. To cook every meal and not go out to eat at all. I have lots of good food available here and an excellent meal plan. There is no reason not to follow it.

3. The only purchase I need to make is gas and that can wait until payday Friday. So no other purchases, period.

4. Set up the April Budget and remember to include the new insurance amounts. Both car insurance and DH's life insurance went up. Also the storage rate went up so make sure to change things accordingly.

5. Clean my bedroom. And clear off the kitchen table. It's for eating, not for storing everything I don't feel like putting away.

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On the spending front I paid a medical bill of $1073.64. Ouch. Love that high $2500 deductible on the insurance. /sarcasm

I also bought 50 pounds of rabbit feed and a second water bottle for Piper and the kits. It cost $18.39 for the feed, $12.39 for the half gallon water bottle, and $1.69 for the Pepsi my husband snuck in. Tax was $2.82, so the total spent today was $35.29.

I picked up five holds from the library today. Two are on building a worm bin or raising worms. I think that may be the way to go for underneath the rabbit cages to keep the smell down (although there is not much of one), and to help with composting things faster. One was on raising rabbits because I still feel like I have a lot to learn. One is on small scale farming and the final one is a pleasure read, a teen sci-fi adventure novel called Ashfall that deals with the aftermath of the Yellowstone Volcano erupting in the near future. I do love the apocalyptic survival type of novel, so unless the author has a style I absolutely hate, it should be a good read.

Record keeping has been a little lax this past week so I'll try to get that updated. My Emergency Fund is now at $3044.20, (or will be with tomorrow's auto transfer of $10) so I need to come up with $155.80 to hit my March goal. $100 will go in on my monthly deposit on Friday, and there will be two more $10 auto transfers this month, so that's $120 taken care of. That means just coming up with an additional $35.80 by month's end.

I added $3.32 to the coin jar yesterday.

Things that have been paid since Friday:

$336.00 Dentist
__90.00 Physical Therapy
_375.86 Mortgage
_150.00 9 Rabbits
_146.40 Feed and supplies for Rabbits
_187.72 3 Prescriptions
_300.00 to Mom for her utilities
_156.29 Doctor
_206.27 Sleep Doctor
_168.64 Doctor
_757.82 Van loan
__50.01 Gas
------------
2925.01 Total Money Out

I did not pay extra on the mortgage this month. I still might, but with all the medical bills, I chose to be more conservative. I did pay extra on the van loan though. Medical was ridiculous this month and it's only half over. That is just $718.92 out of pocket this month for medical expenses, $1054.92 if you add dental.

I met with the sleep doctor today and yes, I do have a mild form of sleep apnea. It hits me when I go into REM sleep or into deep sleep, which explains why I can get lots of hours of sleep but never feel rested.

I am now waiting to hear from which medical device company it is my insurance will work with. Sleep Doctor told me today that they are separating from Aetna as of May 9th. I asked him if that was because Aetna sucks and he said, well, he wouldn't actually come right out and say that.

But Aetna does suck and they like to deny things a couple of times before they will pre-approve anything and make you jump through lots of hoops. It's covering less and less and less and charging more and more and more. I remember when they used to be a good insurance, and you could go to whoever you wanted, but gosh, it's been over a decade ago. I really miss the insurance we had with DH's former company.

I think I'm now at least halfway to hitting my $2500 family deductible for the year. I just wish that certain things would count for it that don't. Like my physical therapy, which they don't think I need anymore, but every time I skip it I start losing my ability to walk, so I've been paying for it for a while now. Or the chiropractic at $225 a month for the unlimited visits family plan (which is actually cheaper for us than our portion of 4 appointments would be). That's $585 a month that doesn't go to our deductible at all, but thankfully we can use the HSA for. And our portion of dental does not count towards the medical deductible.

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The rabbits are doing great and the little ones are growing visibly now. I have to harden myself a bit to not grow attached to them as they are adorable. I am glad I have not let the kids talk me into naming them. In my book they are bunnies A through F.

The chickens are doing well, too, although I think it is time for Queen to have another bath. Actually, they could all do with one. Because of the heavy rainfall and mud. Apparently no one has told the chickens that when it is raining, it is not a dust bath they are taking but a mud bath. I am just extremely glad I got some Wellies, because I can't imagine walking around back there without good boots right now.

And tonight is setting out to be an insomniac night. Anyway, I had my sleep study done, and it was a doozy of a night. They might call it a sleep study, but it was more a study on how many wires they could hook you up to and then put you in the most uncomfortable, unsupportive bed on the planet, make you sleep on your back and then wake you up every so many hours. It was exhausting.

I do have problems with breathing though. I don't know exactly what but I had 30 incidents during the first two hour test, so then they tested me on the CPAP machine. I did okay until about 5 a.m. when I got stuffed up. Then I used some nasal spray and was fine to put it back on.

Anyway, I go in on the 13th to meet with the doctor about the results and get a mask fitting done. Then on Thursday the 14th, I will get my permanent crown since they screwed this one up and it was an ugly yellow color instead of tooth color. So they will redo it, which means I get to have it 2 days before we go to Disneyland. Ugh. I did have my cleaning done today though. I get them every four months because of some serious troubles I had with my teeth. We are looking at about one more year of that before the healing has been enough for me to go back to the twice a year the insurance actually pays for.

I made a payment on the crown anyway today of $336. I will pay the final payment of $328.57 the first week of April. I may very well be spending my Emegency Fund back down to pay for all of this and all of the sleep stuff if I don't want to carry a balance on the credit card. *sighs*

And our insurance rates just went up. Our portion is now $753.95. It has gone up $107.29, but since it is pretax, it will only affect the take home pay by $65 a month. Only, I say. Since it's now a change of $665 a month between this and taxes, it's getting tighter. Same ridiculous $2500 dedictible per family, $1250 per individual. I will be meeting mine pretty darn soon, I imagine.

I will remind myself in the future that if we go to Disneyland again, we need to get it away from the first of the year when medical is so high because of the deductible. It would be much better to go in September or October. But at this rate we won't be going on vacation again for a good five years or so, so this one better stay in our memories for a long while. Not unless DH gets offered a way better job with better pay and better benefits somewhere else on the slope. *sighs* Not likely right now.

After this trip the belts get tighter and we will push out some of the meager luxury items once again. We barely had them, so we shouldn't miss them too much. And once we get our rabbits going, and our chicken fryers, our food costs should go way down in the protein department. And our massive garden this year should bring down produce costs as well as providing plenty for canning. One way or another we'll find ways to save money and not go back into debt.

We've bought 3 rabbit hutches now for a total of $255. We will be going out to the rabbitry on Saturday and if all goes well, we will be bringing home some New Zealand White rabbits. I know what to check for, no eye gumminess, no ear mites, fur in good condition, no sores on the feet. I will post a few photos here, but probably more on my homesteading blog. I can't believe how fast this is all happening.

Mom is still talking about getting broilers, too. I'll probably come back from California and there will be ducks, too, even though we all decided not to do them this year. Oh, well. It's definitely making this place seem more and more like a farm.

I haven't spent any other money lately, but I will have to pick up milk and pure maple syrup tomorrow.

We have now jumped through appropriate hoops and Aetna has decided that, oh, hey, maybe these two doctors do know what they are talking about in recommending this... I so hate my insurance ($12,000 out of pocket last year alone). Anyway, I now have a sleep study scheduled for Wednesday night, since they had a slot open. Won't that be fun, especially since I'll be getting the permanent crown on Thursday? Oh, well, it needs to be done and now it can be.

I'm glad I have money in the bank right now. That's all I can say.

I was looking through the mail (from yesterday) today and I got a letter from my doctor from Virginia Mason. The paper he wrote about my case was published in a medical journal and he just wanted to let me know it had come out if I wanted to read it. He had asked me about writing it at one of our follow ups after the surgery and I gave my blessing (or whatever) so long as they didn't use my last name. The joys of being a medical oddity, they do write ups on you. I had actually forgotten about it, since the surgery was summer of 2011.

I had to take my son to the after hours pediatric clinic last night. He has an eye infection. They faxed in a prescription last night, but of course the pharmacy was closed because it was late. So I call them this morning and they have no sign of the prescription.

So then I had to call the doctor's office and then they had to track down who was on call last night and then finally re-faxed the prescription, so now I just have to wait to have it filled. Should be ready in a couple of hours, although how hard it is to stick a sticker on a squeeze bottle of eye drops that comes as needed in a little box, I do not know. It's not like counting out pills.

I really am wishing for the days when they would just write a paper prescription and I could take it to the pharmacy myself and know that it actually got where it needed to be. I also really don't like the fact that the doctor's offices don't want to deal with prescriptions anymore. It's been that way for over a year now. If you need a refill, you have to call the pharmacy to have them fax in the request. I don't really see the difference between calling the doctor and having them fax the pharmacy, instead of the pharmacy faxing them and then they have to send back approval. Seems like it actually takes more time to do it that way instead of saving time.

It is particularly frustrating right now, because I'm in transition between the old doctor's prescriptions and the new one's, so having them fax the new doctor for something he's not prescribed yet, doesn't work. I have to call the doctor anyway. *sighs* Let's just say it's been a long, frustrating morning on the phone.

Last night was the fourth doctor's appointment since the year began so we should be well on our way to meeting the first $500 of our $2500 deductible. I still need to make a couple of phone calls, one to the sleep doctor to see if there is anything further he can do about Aetna denying the sleep study. There are probably some bells and whistles that need to be jumped through.

Then I need to call the regular doctor about blood test results and schedule an appointment. Which I probably won't do until next week, because of DS's eye infection.

On the bright side of things this is my fifth day on the Paleo diet and I have lost 9 pounds. So clearly that's working. I miss potatoes though. I need to buy a few more fruits and vegetables for variety though. Apparently I am fine eating the same ones day after day if I am also eating starches, dairy, and grains, but when I am not, I get bored really fast of my cole slaw and broccoli (not the oranges though). This also means I am messing a bit with my 100 mile food shed, moving it to my west coast food shed instead (which technically I'm on anyway for the California oranges.

I saw some organic strawberries and canteloupe on sale but it is probably from Mexico. *sighs* I think it is still a bit too early to be from Cali. I went digging through the freezer to see if I could find any strawberries, but I guess we have used them all up. I am really wanting them, though. I don't generally get specific fruit cravings. I will try frozen blueberries today instead since that is what I have on hand, but I do want to buy some zucchini and peppers and an onion.

I dreamed about that farmhouse again. *sighs* It really is our dream property. I am trying to get over my impatience with life. I've spent too much time waiting for my future to start. I need to live within my present for now.

Just got a denial of medical services from Aetna. Seems that they in their infinite wisdom don't want to pay for a sleep study for me, despite the fact that two doctors highly suspect I have sleep apnea. Of course Aetna knows all. /sarc. Well, I was going to call on Monday anyway and talk to the sleep doctor's office.

Apparently there are several hoops we will have to jump through to try to get them to reconsider. Aetna's just moved up the Evil Empire List list to second, right under the middle school that allowed my son to be assaulted so badly it took him 6 months to recover from the brain injury, and above Bank of America.

I don't know why Aetna cares so much anyway. We will still have to pay for it out of pocket because of our $2500 deductible. It's not like they'll be out any money. But if they approve it, it would at least count towards our deductible.

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I've started back on a diet today. I'm quitting soda cold turkey...well except I took a caffeine pill so I don't go through withdrawal. Despite everything else in my diet being pretty much unprocessed, the Pepsi Throwback habit was getting out of hand.

I am aiming towards the Paleo diet. I did a test this week and didn't drink any milk. Last night I had milk and within 20 minutes my throat hurt and my nose was stuffing up. That will make it much easier for me to give up dairy. Grains I could always give or take.

So for the next week I will eat nothing but lean meats, fish, eggs, leafy greens, cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower and other non-starchy vegetables, walnuts and fresh fruit (but not too much fruit). I will cook only with olive oil. And all dairy will be eliminated. I will miss cheese and butter.

It will be hard giving up homemade pizza but with the crust being a grain and the topping being cheese and processed meats it's not going to be a choice for menu planning.

Honey is okay in small amounts and since mayo is made with egg, oil, lemon juice, a bit of mustard (I'll use my own homemade), and some salt, I should be able to make my cole slaw dressing just fine. I'll just have to use olive oil for the oil instead of canola.

I had physical therapy today, so spent $90 on that.

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Today was payday, but I have not done anything about it yet, other than distribute the children's allowances, $15 to the 16 year old and $10 to the 12 year old. Nothing is due until the 1st and it will come out of the account as autopays.

-----------

I emptied DH's wallet of change. Wish I had done that before I made the EF deposit yesterday as with it I was able to roll both nickels and quarters. So, yeah, with next Thursdays auto transfer I will definitely hit the $3000 mark on the EF.

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My jaw still hurts from the crown.

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I need to call the sleep doctor on Monday and see if the preapproval came through for my sleep study. They were supposed to call me when it did and make an appointment, but it's been over a week now and I think somebody dropped the ball somewhere.

I also need to call the regular doctor and make an appointment to discuss my blood test results that my other doctor never really talked to me about, just put me on a new med.

-----------

We have flooding. We have had a major storm today, lots of rain and wind. The basement is being pumped. I so do not ever want to live in a house with a basement again.

I went in to the dentist today to have my second crown started. This was on the other side of my mouth, but also the six year old molar. This tooth had a gigantic silver amalgam filling in it which is now gone. I am glad. I never liked having metal in my mouth and this was an old, old filling from before they talked about getting mercury poisoning from them. It feels like he gave me enough anesthetic to put down a small horse, but he still had to stop in the middle and give me another one. It is supposed to wear off somewhere around 7 or 8 p.m.

Anyway, the temporary crown is on now and I go back for the permanent one on March 7nth. Hopefully I am making sense here, as I am on a pretty powerful pain med, so if this rambles more than usual, that is why.

While I was there I finished paying off the first crown, $233.90 and I have the paper with what will likely be our portion for this one, $665.35. Not as much as the first one as we had less dental benefits left for 2012 as I had a porcelain filling to replace a cracked silver one and a sealent earlier that year. This probably uses all my dental benefits for the year (except for cleanings), but the dentist says everything is in great shape now and I shouldn't need anymore work done.

I talked to them about maybe getting the gap between my front teeth fixed. I never used to have one, but over the past five years it has gradually gotten bigger. They may be able to just fix it cosmetically with veneers or I may have to go to an orthodontist and get an appliance or something like Invisalign. I don't want to do actual metal braces. I know how much they hurt my daughter. I have a low pain threshhold in my mouth even though I have a very high one everywhere else. But the gap does bug me. I had perfectly straight teeth up until it started moving.

I'll need to have DH check and see if our insurance covers orthodontia. Otherwise I will have to save up for it. I know veneers can cost about $900 per tooth if we go that route.

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I cashed out at Swagbucks again yesterday for a $5 Amazon gift card.

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I added the AMEX cash back and my coin jar savings and the weekly $10 autotransfer I've had set up for years to the Emergency Fund, a total of $136, making the total in it now $2981.35. That leaves me with $18.65 to come up with to meet my February goal of $3000 in the EF. Next Thursday will be another $10 autotransfer, so that will leave me with $8.65 to scrounge up. I am so close.

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DH and I are still working on our meal plan for Disneyland. I think we are going to pack along a cheap crockpot. That way we can put a roast or a chicken in when we leave in the morning and have it ready for us when we come back at dinner time. Despite the condos having full kitchens they don't have crockpots, which I really think they should. It makes a lot of sense to have one in a place that caters to Disneyland goers. I will also pick up some of those crockpot bags to make it easy to clean. Usually I consider those a waste of money, but in this situation I'll splurge for them.

It was a very weird feeling indeed to realize that with all of the credit cards paid off, I had quite a bit of money left over today. Of course it's going into the Vacation Fund, but once the trip is over, that extra money will be going to build the EF. Over the years we've had a little extra money now and then, but usually closer to $50 or $100. Never an extra $1000 out of one payday.

I have paid everything for the month. Nothing else is due until February 1. We have one more payday this month (the short one) and that will cover everything due between now and the next payday on March 8th. I set aside $240 of the money into savings for physical therapy.

Just for reference, any credit cards shown in the bill pay section are now paid off monthly. BoA is used for DH's travel expenses (flights, hotels, travel food, and his monthly allowance expenses). It also has autopay for our cell phones, Netflix, and our gym membership. It can vary from $1200 to $1500 a month. AMEX is for gas, eating out, and the occasional grocery trip (if I forget the checkbook). But mostly for gas. I paid both of these in full today.

Bills that went out today:

$1201.69 BoA VISA in full
__314.10 AMEX in full
__225.00 Chiropractic Family Plan
___90.00 Physical Therapy
____3.78 Labcorp (Medical)
__144.00 Water/sewer at the Old House
__418.85 Propane at the Old House
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$2397.42

I had the water/sewer money already in savings as well as most of the propane money. I will be adding about $800 to $1000 to the Vacation Fund. I am waiting until after we go shopping to have the exact amount. DS needs new shoes, DD needs 2 pairs of sweat pants. I could do with a couple of new shirts (somewhere between t-shirts and blouses, nice, but not fancy).

I added $10 to the Emergency Fund. That brings it to $2845.35. I received my AMEX awards coupon in the mail today. I have to physically go to Costco to have it cashed, though. Annoys me. But it will go into the Emergency Fund. It is $85.95. So I've decided to up my EF goal for February to $3000. I have $32 in my coin jar (added $10 today leftover from the past week), so to hit $3000 by month's end, I really only need to come up with another $36.70. I think I can do that.

It feels like I'm playing in an entirely different game now. I know we still have the mortgage and the van loan. I know we still owe Mom money. I know we still need to build the EF. But despite that I no longer feel owned, like I did with the credit card debt. I feel like our lives belong to us again.

After our March vacation we will put our heads down again and work hard on everything. Meanwhile, I will take the next month to breathe. We are in the light at the end of the tunnel. We can take a few steps before we step into the next one. Not going to go crazy or anything, no eating out five times a week or going out and buying crazy things. Just taking my foot off the gas and pulling into the overlook to see how far we've come.

Today is my birthday and I can't say that 43 feels at all different from 42. We got pizza today since I didn't want to cook and spent $27.18. No cake though. Just didn't feel like baking one and the problem with cake is that it is then there every day for a week. I figured one bad food choice this week was enough. Since my Christmas present was so expensive we made it a combined b'day/Christmas present. And I'm still loving my hard ice cream maker so I am not feeling in the least little bit deprived. And DH comes home tonight at 8:30 so that's the best birthday present of all, anyway.

Tomorrow starts three days worth of appointments. I go to a consultation with the people that do the sleep study. Then Thursday, I go back to the new doctor, and Friday I see the physical therapist. I had to fill out a boat load of papers for the sleep study place. Oh, shoot, I keep forgetting to run over to the lab and ask them to shoot my new doctor a copy of my labs from December. I'll need to do that in the morning.

I'll also need to remember to tell them when we set up the sleep study about getting my new crown because I'll be on narcotics for a couple of days and don't want that interfering with anything.

There is not much else going on. The chickens are still loving their expanded space and Georgie hasn't gotten out on the driveway side for days, so no more chicken hopscotch. They do hop the other fence to go to the neighbor's yard when she doesn't have the dogs out, but she likes them.

Coming home is funny now, because they recognize the sound of my van. They come running (quite like that scene in Jurassic Park with the velociraptors) so fast I'm actually glad the fence is there. They are expecting treats now as we had some bread that went bad, picked out the moldy bits and gave them all the good bits over the course of a few days. Now they expect it.

We are getting about ten eggs a day. It helps that nine of them are pullets. That rate will slow down as they age. I still miss having duck eggs for baking, but the chicken eggs are pretty fantastic. They beat store bought by a mile.

Today was payday. I added $110 to the Emergency Fund bringing it to $1835.35.

Bills paid out today were:

$1000.00 to Mom
__100.00 to Chase
__757.82 to Van loan
__570.00 Mortgage
___25.00 Kids' allowances
___44.87 Phone old house
___72.56 Internet
__110.00 Emergency Fund
___19.00 Garbage (HT)
___72.00 Water/sewer (HT)
__100.00 Property Tax (HT)
__100.00 Propane (HT)
__100.00 Miscellaneous and Groceries
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$3071.25

I also set aside $90 for physical therapy. Both the mortgage and the van loan had extra sent to principal. When the mortgage hits it will put it just under $14K left.

I need to come up with $64.65 this month to hit my EF goal of $1900 by the end of February. I added $13.03 to the coin jar, what was left of my miscellaneous money from last week.

I also filled up the van with gas, $49.79, but that went on the AMEX which gets paid off at the start of every month now.

Other than milk, I shouldn't have to buy anything for the next week.

DS needs new tennis shoes. His feet have grown tremendously. I will inherit his current ones. They are very nice Nikes that just happen to fit my feet. Hand me ups, I guess. I will probably get shoes for him next payday, not this one.

My first mammogram went okay. I don't know what I was being such a scaredy cat about it for.