Home > I am so Tired

I am so Tired

January 25th, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Is it normal to feel exhausted after losing a parent? I am barely doing anything. Just the bare minimum to keep the kids going to school and fed and throwing in a batch of laundry. Otherwise all I really want to do is sleep. I am getting plenty of sleep, but I still just feel like I need more. I'm not even particularly sad anymore the majority of the time, just sort of bland. I have to force myself to eat, because it'll be two in the afternoon and I'll realize I've not eaten anything all day.

I was never like this when my grandparents died. I was sad, but I wasn't useless. Dad and I weren't even that close for most of my life. I feel like I should be bouncing back faster than I am. Grief can be so strange. My mother seems to be handling things so much better than me and they were married for 54 years. She always has been very strong.

My son has his first orchestra concert tonight so I have to force myself to go out and be the proud mother. I would never disappoint him by not going. Maybe being around other people, happy people, will help.

I am so glad finances are on autopilot right now. I will have to do some stuff on payday Friday (or at least on Monday), and I think I can pull out of my funk long enough to do so. Life goes on and bills must be paid.

13 Responses to “I am so Tired”

  1. ceejay74 Says:

    I've not yet experienced a big personal loss in my life (a fact that terrifies me from time to time), but it sounds like a normal response to me. I guess you just have to be patient with yourself and do what comes naturally. If it lasts a really long time there might be cause for concern, but it's so soon, it seems like any reaction is possible.

    Still thinking of you and hoping you get through the worst of it soon!

  2. EarlyRetirementJoy Says:

    Yes, absolutely, it is completely and totally normal to feel exhausted immediately after a significant emotional loss. I've experienced great loss, and there is a time period afterward during which you feel deeply depressed and just want to sleep. I promise you though, that it gets a little bit better with each passing day.

  3. creditcardfree Says:

    Yes, it is normal. It's only been a few days. You definitely need more time to process. Eat well, sleep enough. Relax as much as possible.

  4. rob62521 Says:

    Very normal. And don't get upset if your life feels abnormal for about a year. I'm not saying that to be cruel -- I felt that way and a friend did the same -- each time a holiday came around we realized a greater loss.

    Be good to yourself and try to take it easy.

  5. Petunia 100 Says:

    Yes, it is completely normal. Be patient with yourself. Grief has cycles, so keep an eye on Mom too. Right now, she has been busy with all of the things that need to be done. Once they are done, the reality of her loss will begin to sink in.

  6. ThriftoRama Says:

    It is very very very normal. I felt kind of numb and getting by after my dad died. It was very much so the "getting through the day" feeling or just trying to keep it all together. We had a 4 month old, no sleep, etc. It was rough. For me, the sadness and mourning came later, maybe when it really sunk in that he was gone, and I needed to talk to him and couldn't. Id' say I had a really hard time about 4 months after it happened, when the reality of it all sunk in.

  7. Thrifty Ray Says:

    Having lost both parents the past few years I can tell you that everything you are feeling is very normal. I am so sorry for your loss. Time does help. There is a void, but you learn to fill it with happy memories and deeper relationships with others in your life. I miss my parents everyday...just some more than others. I am sure your dad is very proud of you. have just had surgery, youve been sick, you have MUCH on that plate. Dont expect much more than day to day, one foot in front of the other, breathe in, breathe out.


  8. wowitsawonderfullife Says:

    I have to confess. When my Mom passed I was relieved. I felt very guilty. One never knows how you will feel when it happens. Be gentle with yourself.

  9. My English Castle Says:

    Everyone is right--it's a completely typical response. I either couldn't sleep--or wanted to sleep all the time depending on the day.
    Eat good things and be kind to yourself.

  10. LuxLiving Says:

    Having not lost a parent, but brother in 2010 it seems a normal response to me. I'd find myself just jerking alert after having just dazed out into a trance while thinking of him and crying at the oddest of times and at the strangest things.

    I kept one of his motorcycle shirts and his cowboy hat and although it's not my norm or style to wear either of those things I did wear them when I missed him most. I carry a personal item of his in my purse and when I feel sad about his not being around I get it out and look at his creativity. That and I listen again to the music from his funeral which I worked hard to put together at the time of his death and I allow myself time to mourn and cry for him whenever the feelings overwhelm. I think of his personality and find ways to celebrate his individuality and strong points. We had had that on and off again relationship that sometimes siblings do. Surprises even me how much I miss him.

    You are in my prayers. Take the time you need.

  11. Mary Ann Says:

    Yes, I agreee with the others, it is normal. I have lost both of my parents already. It's hard but it does get better. I was very close to both my parents and am still surprised at the feelings I had. My dad passed first, when I was 37. I went thru a depression and could hardly drag one foot in front of the other. I remember walking through the fabric store, ( which is my passion) and felt so low and thought I didn't care if I ever sewed again. One day a month or so later I was walking by the radio and it was playing the song "Angels Among Us" by Alabama. I had never heard that song before but it was like it spoke to me and I snapped out of that depression and felt like living again!!!

    Please allow yourself time to heal...go at your own pace, and heal in your own way. Take care.

  12. baselle Says:

    I think it would weirder if you weren't tired. Like everybody else: take care of yourself.

    I lost both my parents, and while I wasn't close to either anymore, I was tired ... some of it was the feeling that your generation is next up. No older family member to point to that you will outlive.

  13. patientsaver Says:

    Absolutely, I think grief can really wear you out. I think it would take many months to get back to a semblance of normal, at least, i think it would for me, but everyone's different.

    I have not lost a parent, but I have lost beloved pets, and all my grandparents, whom I was close with.

    Losing a parent or spouse is one of the most traumatic things you can go through. I'm not saying this to upset you, but it's ok to feel weird or out of sorts, blue or angry. As others have pointed out, even if you weren't close, their death could symbolize a lot more....

    I know this sounds pathetic, but when my last cat, Sitka died, I was really a basket case. I'd been hoping to delay getting another cat for at least a few months so I could travel and not have to worry about an animal, but I was so miserable, it wasn't 6 days before I was looking for another cat, becus that was the only thing that I felt could ease my pain.

    It was harder, I think, becus I live alone and there weren't other distractions, either human or otherwise, to keep me from thinking about her.

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