I live, write, and garden in the PNW with my husband of 28 years, disabled daughter, adult son, and my 84-year-old mother. We have paid off $250,000.00 worth of debt (if you include the interest) in the last fifteen years and as of 6/12/2020 are 100% DEBT FREE!!!!Venting. Big Time. Here, so I don't do it over there. I have to play nice in public. Here, a little less than nice when frustrated.
Well, she's back. That woman who drove me crazy because she asked for advice and then came up with every single excuse in the book, and some that weren't, not to take any of the advice offered her from anyone. And of course, there are a few newer people who don't know her M.O. who are still trying to help her. Though there are some people that have been around at least as long as me or longer who should know better by now...All they'll get is a throbbing headache from banging their heads against the wall. Yes, she asks for help, but...SHE DOESN'T REALLY WANT IT. (Caps for emphasis, not shouting, I still can't get italics to work).
I really had to bite my tongue not to post on her thread, but I won't do it. I do have to admit to being fascinated how anyone can bury her head so deeply in the sand. It's like watching a train wreck, you simply can't look away. And I know better than to even click on her threads.
She's still up to my favorite one, accusing you of giving her parenting advice instead of financial advice, doesn't have a clue that sometimes your financial decisions are caused by your parenting ones or vice versa. Just refuses to see it. Or anything that doesn't fit her unpaid for rose colored glasses version of the world.
Someone suggested her child get a babysititng job. Last time around I suggested that and oh, you would have thought I was talking about selling her daughter to a sweatshop, "my daughter will never work to pay the bills," (which wasn't even what I said, BTW) Now, its basically my daughter won't work to pay for her own college education. Please. Well, she didn't blow up about that advice this time. Yet, anyway. But I'm waiting. She's like old faithful, never quite know when she'll blow but it'll be in approximately 55 to 65 minutes.
I won't even go into the withholding debacle she refuses to fix. Like I said, she doesn't actually want a way out.
It's more of the same. Thanks for the vent.
Trolling the Forums
March 3rd, 2007 at 10:52 am
March 3rd, 2007 at 11:04 am 1172919884
My oldest 2 are working their way through college. DS's college has the highest number of handicapped students in the country and do you know what he does? He works in that dorm taking care of them. He gives them baths, helps them go to the bathroom, cleans them up if they've had an accident, plays video games with them, etc. He said that at first, he didn't know if he could do it, but now these kids are his best friends. I'm really proud of him. It's taught him to view others with physical disabilities in a different light. Not something that would have happened if he hadn't had to work his way through college.
DD has a summer job that will eventually be full time when she graduates if she wants to accept it. It's with a good, solid company and has taught her lifelong job skills.
My 2 other sons have jobs while they're still in high school. DS#2 works at a car repair shop learning a trade that he'll have for life if he gets burnt out at being a paramedic later on.
DS#3 has delivered papers since he was 12.
The only one in the family that doesn't have a job yet is DD#2. She's 13. But she fills in on the paper route when she has to.
I think it's good for kids to learn early that money isn't just handed out all your life.
March 3rd, 2007 at 12:07 pm 1172923676
rudell,kudos to your family!
March 3rd, 2007 at 01:21 pm 1172928074
March 3rd, 2007 at 02:20 pm 1172931637
I simply ignore posters whom I consider rude, antagonistic, or argumentative. This forum is about sharing perspectives and experience to help with money matters. People who don't want or won't accept help are a kind of spam. I don't read spam.
March 3rd, 2007 at 03:10 pm 1172934619
That made me very sad, because it made that woman leave the forum. She even sent me an e mail to tell me she was leaving because of that poster.
You are right, she won't take advise. I suggested that she could not afford horseback riding and ski lessons for her daughter if she could not pay all the bills that she had defaulted on.
Bookie is right, she is like spam.
I hate to see all the others get taken in by her, but so many do.
I really don't think she is telling the truth.
March 3rd, 2007 at 03:10 pm 1172934623
March 3rd, 2007 at 04:27 pm 1172939247
I brought her first thread (same old story under general comments) back to the top so that the people spending so much time trying to help her, could read page one and see all the debts she has had charged off.
March 3rd, 2007 at 04:31 pm 1172939470
People can live their lives the way they want, I can choose not to associate with them.
March 3rd, 2007 at 04:51 pm 1172940669
March 3rd, 2007 at 04:51 pm 1172940719
BTW, I'm listening to "The Millionaire Mind" on tape right now and, guess what? The vast majority of the richest people in America worked at least part-time while going to college! And learning people skills is considered one of the most important attributes to becoming financially successful. So, rduell and the others who are allowing their children the positive experience of working to earn some of their own money, way to go!!!
March 3rd, 2007 at 05:57 pm 1172944654
March 3rd, 2007 at 06:21 pm 1172946078
I can't tell you the number of financial books I read over the years before something finally clicked for me. I'm glad I didn't stop reading early on just because some authors couldn't get thru to me. AND, I'm glad those authors still write in a financial vein because there are likely people out there who do GET IT from them.
Time to assimilate some of these ideas is needed and sometimes one persons' phrasing in a dialogue just sets off alarm bells where someone else can state things in a way that finally brings the 'ah-ha' moment.
I'm hoping when I'm flying blindly in opposition to the next great financial scoop that you guys will be patient with me till I find my footing and can get with you on what might seem so obvious to you but is clothed in darkness for me.
This site is a harbor for many seeking help, but we cant' forget that sometimes people are so busy drowning that they can't see that what we're really offering is a life-line!
March 3rd, 2007 at 06:23 pm 1172946189
the other 6 months were spent co-oping, so I did "work", but not in 6 months while school was going on. Not enough time.
12 week semesers, 60 days in class, some semesters had 75 graded things tests, papers, labs etc). So each night I was busy with something.
I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. Anyone which makes it through program clearly can manage time and prioritize.
March 3rd, 2007 at 06:25 pm 1172946338
She complains about withholdings and cannot get simple things to work... sounds like someone which is prissy and expects things to be done for her.
I am a sucker... I tried even after I said I would stop. LOL, I cannot help myself.
March 3rd, 2007 at 06:38 pm 1172947098
Clue one they are a drama queen - nothing is their fault.
March 3rd, 2007 at 08:37 pm 1172954261
March 3rd, 2007 at 10:43 pm 1172961790
But she let me have it in her last reply. oh well.
March 4th, 2007 at 12:03 am 1172966631
While she's here I will make suggestions. I'm not going to try to change her beliefs.
March 4th, 2007 at 02:43 am 1172976184
Or did someone do that already?
March 4th, 2007 at 03:20 am 1172978450
March 4th, 2007 at 01:40 pm 1173015625
Lucky robin, you are right, she does not own the horse, but she pays dearly for horse backing riding lessons and ski lessons.
March 4th, 2007 at 02:37 pm 1173019026
I think more people would take charge and stop complaining if they saw what other people had to do to make it...
March 4th, 2007 at 02:56 pm 1173020179
March 5th, 2007 at 03:00 pm 1173106818
I simply ignore posters whom I consider rude, antagonistic, or argumentative.
But Bookiecakes, I was only trying to get your attention!
March 5th, 2007 at 10:42 pm 1173134538
March 5th, 2007 at 10:57 pm 1173135441
March 6th, 2007 at 01:52 am 1173145941
My friend who thinks I obsess too much over money is the same way as that person. She knows EVERYTHING, yet doesn't have a pot to P!ss in....
Meanwhile,I was able to take early retirement, work p/t at a job I love and have two houses...one I live in and another I rent out...and she STILL tries to tell me how to manage finances.
March 6th, 2007 at 04:22 am 1173154927
Thanks, Ima.
B.A.--Bookiecakes?????? Ooo, can we all use that, now or is that just your special use only nickname?
Nic--I guess some folks never learn.
Everyone else, thanks for all the comments. Really I was just venting over something that makes me a little crazy and it is nice to know I am not alone out here thinking it by myself.
March 6th, 2007 at 06:27 pm 1173205635
March 6th, 2007 at 07:58 pm 1173211110
March 6th, 2007 at 11:22 pm 1173223367
March 7th, 2007 at 05:35 pm 1173288916
Since no one has posted lately on her threads, she has been quiet. She won't take anyone's advice anyway.
March 8th, 2007 at 01:44 am 1173318283
Seem to be backing the dark horse here, but hey, like I said earlier, I'm glad others didn't give up on me when I didn't get it either AT FIRST and fought tooth and nail to hang on to what I thought I had to do to keep my head above water. What I didn't know was how to float, so I scratched and kicked to keep alive. That's what she was doing. Does appear she is starting to make a slow turn around.
March 8th, 2007 at 02:53 pm 1173365615
Why in the world would a 12 year old insist that she go to Cornell university when she could go to college where her mother works. (probably at greatly reduced cost or even free??)
She gets real nasty if you tell her she needs to make big changes. She should just do what she wants and not bother to post.
March 8th, 2007 at 03:26 pm 1173367583
She has the income it would seem to do SOME of the things she desires, it's just a matter of getting financial priorities straight AND some education of why things snowballed out of control for her in the past. Not everyone has had to struggle thru life and everything had been easy in the past and some do have entitlement issues, BUT, that being said it doesn't mean they can't learn something new.
IOW, she may have the income but has been hooking the horse up bassackwards until now. Doesn't mean she can't get things going in the right direction w/a little coaching.
I understand the frustration, as I feel it myself, but I certainly hope people don't stop posting just because at first it is difficult to swallow the suggestions.
If someone told your husband you HAVE TO stop driving the cars you like, you'd balk too!
Some might like to give their children more, BUT, folks here are trying to help her learn that there are often many paths to getting to that place where there aren't creditors hounding AND you get to have/give the goodies!
March 8th, 2007 at 04:23 pm 1173371036
March 9th, 2007 at 04:01 pm 1173456077
Although, I must say that it is hard to know what is going on in other people's minds and homes just from their forums and blogs and such should be taken with a grain of salt. We can leave a comment or not, but we shouldn't take it personally if someone doesn't take our advice, blogs about their own "reality" or "denial"; or does or doesn't comment back; or we don't like what it seems they are doing or not doing.
March 10th, 2007 at 01:57 am 1173491832
March 10th, 2007 at 03:24 pm 1173540252
March 10th, 2007 at 06:31 pm 1173551508
March 10th, 2007 at 08:47 pm 1173559658
Yes, it is possible to put posters on an ignore list, which is under your settings. [And I'd also like to say thanks to Jefferey & Nate for making that an optional feature.]
Hopefully the 2 on my list now will be the only ones; I don't care at all if people have differences of opinion (I like the process of learning through respectful discussion) but I have a real problem with name calling and belittling when people just are trying to help.
March 10th, 2007 at 10:53 pm 1173567211
March 12th, 2007 at 07:17 am 1173683842
March 12th, 2007 at 07:22 am 1173684175
In the end it is just best to ignore that which is exasperating!
March 18th, 2007 at 04:40 pm 1174236039
March 19th, 2007 at 01:14 pm 1174310052
March 21st, 2007 at 08:02 pm 1174507348
March 21st, 2007 at 08:02 pm 1174507372
March 23rd, 2007 at 12:19 am 1174609194
March 24th, 2007 at 08:52 pm 1174769534
And if I ever come across like that -- tell me!!
March 26th, 2007 at 04:28 pm 1174926481
Robin, I barely go to the forums anymore, and when I do, I usually stick to the 100-post threads. I feel like I have a much better connection with the regular bloggers here, and find they have more than enough good advice to get me thinking about things. It's a shame...
Hope your venting helped...
March 28th, 2007 at 06:27 am 1175063267