I live, write, and garden in the PNW with my husband of 28 years, disabled daughter, adult son, and my 84-year-old mother. We have paid off $250,000.00 worth of debt (if you include the interest) in the last fifteen years and as of 6/12/2020 are 100% DEBT FREE!!!!...to the clueless person on the forums, but didn't because I sort of thought it would be stirring up trouble no matter how badly it needed to be said, and plus it sounded too snarky. Or maybe snarky isn't the right word, I might be bordering on...well, worse than snarky. Anyway, I wanted to get it out of my system so here goes:
I am sorry you don't want my financial advice. I was very careful to read the entire thread before I posted to get a grip on what you were and were not willing to do, and I tried to give you friendly, thoughtful and encouraging advice that would fit into that category. Imagine my suprise when it was completely miscontrued, shot down, or twisted into something that bore no resemblalnce to the actual advice given.
I thought that since you asked for help in the beginning of the thread that you actually wanted advice on getting out of your situation, but it certainly comes across more like you just want to defend the choices you've already made, despite calling them horrible decisions yourself and that you are unwilling to recognize that this pattern of destructive financial behavior continues with your inability to cut luxury items and the belief that its going to sort itself out by itself if you can just get to the next month or to the tax refund and get caught up. Unfortunately these are many of the same choices that have put you where you are today.
And now the unforeseen has happened and you have had a car accident, and I'm sorry that you had it, don't get me wrong, for which you are going to have to pay out money for and your bills will likely remain behind and you will struggle for another year with the vain hope that if you just make it to the next tax return you'll survive. There is an expression, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." You need to face up to some hard truths. What you are doing isn't going to cut it. You must change or you will not survive. That is the reality.
Beyond that, know this: I wasn't telling you how to raise your child. I don't really care how you raise your child, because I don't know you from Eve. But you know what? If I did and was actually telling you how to raise your child, I'd definitely have a lot to say about how sacrifice builds character and giving something up for a year or so until you can manage necessary bills will make her appreciate it that much more when it resumes and that by allowing her to continue you are setting a less than stellar example of setting financial priorities that she'll remember when she is a parent herself. Now, that would be giving parenting advice. But I won't say that, because you have absolutely no interest in hearing it, you've made it clear that you will not give up paying for the lessons or taking on an inconvenient or even a convenient 2nd job even if it means you will lose your car or not have electricity because of it. And I respect that. That is your choice. Raise your kids however you want, even if it means doing it in the dark.
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So umm, am I right? Too snarky? Or just too truthful?
What I Wanted to Say...
January 13th, 2007 at 02:22 am
January 13th, 2007 at 03:29 am 1168658970
January 13th, 2007 at 06:06 am 1168668370
January 13th, 2007 at 09:07 am 1168679242
January 13th, 2007 at 05:35 pm 1168709712
January 13th, 2007 at 05:58 pm 1168711124
It's interesting how some people react to suggestions on how to save money as criticisms of other aspects of their lives ... Was it Shakespeare who said: "Me thinks the lady doth protest too much."
May I just say, ImaSaver, if you see this, you are an absolute saint for remaining so supportive in spite of some pretty snarky comments sent your way!
January 14th, 2007 at 01:23 am 1168737831
LOL. Yes, she does have that aspect! However, the trolling I was thinking is a verb - a fishing expedition. She baited the hook and ran it through the forum. She got lots of bites and attention, led you all on, then jerked the hook, then did it over and over again.
If she is real, I think you were all saints. If she's a troll, she fed on that, so live and learn. The best way to handle a troll is usually to ignore them, or to post something on a thread like "Please don't feed the troll." which warns everyone else. Not as satisfying as giving them a piece of your mind
January 14th, 2007 at 01:51 am 1168739503
January 14th, 2007 at 07:23 am 1168759396
January 14th, 2007 at 03:13 pm 1168787619
granted, i think this applies to most folks in at least some aspect of their lives, but that just goes to point out that we're all a little bit off in at least some part of our thinking. some of us are just a bit more 'off' (er, delusional?) than others *grin*
January 15th, 2007 at 03:16 pm 1168874180
But, perhaps that's a blessing in disguise. As a guy, there's a limit as to how much I will take from people who aren't very nice, and that limit isn't all that high.