I live, write, and garden in the PNW with my husband of 28 years, disabled daughter, adult son, and my 84-year-old mother. We have paid off $250,000.00 worth of debt (if you include the interest) in the last fifteen years and as of 6/12/2020 are 100% DEBT FREE!!!!Sometimes I wonder why I read the forums. I could just give my head a good crack against the wall for all the good it does answering some threads. Oh, its not most of the time, I do know this, but some days you run up against someone who says they want help but all they really want is "Oh, look at me, poor me, feel sorry for me, let me be the center of the universe." And against your better judgement you offer some common sense sound strategies knowing the will find a way not to take it.
Stubborn, bull-headed people in debt up to the hair folicles on the very tippy top of their heads, who say the have a problem but won't really admit to themselves that it really, truly exists or that they really need the advice. Won't consider the remote possiblility that their luxury items need to be cut out pronto so they can pay their real bills.
No cable? The horror. Child has to give up an acivity? Heaven forbid spoiled junior has to give up anything. $50 haircut at the salon? But I need that for me, I must have something for me when I'm cutting back everywhere else (but not really). But I don't have money to pay my (insert mortgage, car payment, power bill, sewer, garbage, water, etc.) whatever that I actually need to pay! Help me.
Sorry, this isn't brought on by any one post, just been building up. It's saving advice, but some people really just don't want any. They want a way to shoot down any that is given though and then wonder why they can't get ahead.
Just Venting
January 12th, 2007 at 08:02 am
January 12th, 2007 at 01:32 pm 1168608720
January 12th, 2007 at 02:20 pm 1168611622
January 12th, 2007 at 02:32 pm 1168612324
not saying it's right, not saying it's the grown-up thing to do, but i am gonna say that it is infinitely easier to mope and be melancholy about a situation as it is than to actually take initiative and action to do something about it.
add to that the fact that most people in financial troubles know at some level that it's their own darn fault, and you get someone frozen in their own drama, trying to rationalize the past and present financial decisions so they don't feel quite so bad.
with that said, if you're gonna ask for help at least have the good graces to say "i appreciate your input, thanks for taking the time to respond" rather than "no, you don't get it, i can't do or change any of the things you're suggesting, why aren't you people listening to me?!?!???"
January 12th, 2007 at 02:46 pm 1168613173
January 12th, 2007 at 03:32 pm 1168615969
I also see that type of behavior and attitude at home with my boys and their dad.
And they wonder why mom blows her top after so long so many times of the same "oh poor me, you are so mean to me" blah blah blah...
My patience runs out somewhere along the line. If someone is going to ask for my input, be ready to hear the truth. I they are going to ask for my advice, be ready to listen, then make a serious attempt to start following thru. If they ask for solutions and answers, listen, then start applying at least one of them.
What a waste of my time, energy, and effort for people to ask for my input, advice, offers of assistance, and solutions, often times quick and efficient, then have the gall to turn right around, and start finding fault with, criticizing, attacking, whining, contradicting everything that I took the time to listen to them, talk to, and counsel them. I have too many other things to do with my time than to waste it with somone who does not really want to change or do something to solve their problems.
January 12th, 2007 at 03:32 pm 1168615977
January 12th, 2007 at 05:56 pm 1168624591
Good point LR. I havent been in the discussion boards for a while...but Ive certainly seen these types there before. Hopefully, someone reading our suggestions (other than the reluctant requestor) will find a nugget in our suggestions and our efforts arent really for naught.
January 12th, 2007 at 05:56 pm 1168624618
When people either come to me or whine to me incessantly about their finances, I try to offer whatever advice I have. (If they mind their own business or don't ask for advice, I mind my own too - mind you). IT usually ends up with blank stares and sometimes anger (When I suggested someone get a 2nd job). Apparently today's middle class is above 2nd jobs and giving up cable and salon visit.
I give up.
I notice this A LOT in the middle class. I have a lot of not very well off friends and relatives who would never complain - they would have, and have, give up almost anything, and take on a 2nd, 3rd job. They are going to make it much further in life and financially than this breed of whiny middle class. I Am so fed up with them. & I clarify that because most of these people are very middle class and make a decent wage - the ones driving me batty. They just can't give up a single thing. IT's like a diet, you trim the fat - cut expenses and/or make more money. IT is that simple. But the concept is lost on many. The class of people who want it all and they want it all now. They aren't going into debt over rent and bills, it is all the excess. But soon enough they can't pay the rent or the electricity as it starts to snowball.
January 12th, 2007 at 06:31 pm 1168626662
I get this from a family member all the time...and I say to them,
"Are you ready to deal with it or do you just want to bitch about it AGAIN?"
Bitching is fine w/me IF and I Do mean IF they understand that they are just prolonging their own agony AND I'm feeling generous that day. Some days I will just tell them, "sorry I don't have time to listen to you bitch today, maybe never!" haheeeee!!!
We all have our blind spots but REALLY people when you are smart enough to come and ask for advice in a good spot and have folks all around who have dug themselves out of the same kinds scrapes mighten it just pay to listen??!!?? ..and at least give a honest effort at trying some of the methods offered???
DUH! It might be that someone else knows one or two things that you don't.
You are not wrong to be impatient LR! Says so right in the bible, "Do not cast your pearls before swine."
January 12th, 2007 at 06:33 pm 1168626791
I do see plenty of this type of behavior in the "real world" tho' and it's especially frustrating when it's a family member.
January 12th, 2007 at 09:30 pm 1168637452
There seems to be a sense of entitlement today in younger people (no offense to those of you in their 20s) that didn't exist in my parents' or grandparents' generation. If you wanted something, you worked for it until you could afford it.
January 12th, 2007 at 09:39 pm 1168637956
Thank you for these words, it echos what i have been thinkign this week as i catch up from being out fo the forums for a couple months.
January 12th, 2007 at 09:41 pm 1168638071
January 13th, 2007 at 03:26 am 1168658766
To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, in a review of Dickens' Little Nell:
"You have to have a heart of stone not to laugh."
January 13th, 2007 at 05:10 am 1168665022
I'm glad to see its not just me being a...um...not so nice person and that lots of people get fed up with this sort of thing, too. Common sense, at least its embraced on the blogs, hmm?