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The More Things Change

November 12th, 2012 at 12:17 am

Life can be a real pain in the neck sometimes. It seems as if you get through one thing only to be slammed with something else. Earlier this year my father died. With elderly parents you always have it in the back of your mind that something could go wrong. I was expecting it to be with my mother. I wasn't expecting it to be with DH's much younger father.

If you'll recall a couple of years ago FIL had an aortic infarction (I think that was what it was called). He had some kind of attack which took him to the hospital ER and just as they were opening him up to do surgery it burst. If it had happened at any other time, he would have been dead because that's how fast it happens. They were able to repair the bulging part of the aorta that comes right out of the heart, and they've been keeping an eye on the rest of the aorta.

A few months ago they said he would likely have to have that part repaired in a year. He had an appointment a couple of days ago and they've moved up the timetable to he needs to get it done in the next six months.

The part of the aorta that is bulging is the part that goes into the spinal column and feeds it with blood. It is a very delicate surgery in which the flow of blood will be cut off to the spinal column while it is repaired. It has with it a chance of paralysis from the chest down. If he doesn't have it done it will lead to certain death.

Unfortunately there are not many doctors who have done this type of surgery more than once or twice. To have the best shot at surviving without being paralyzed, he needs to go to a doctor who has a lot of experience with this procedure. There is no place he can go locally. His choices are Minnesota and Texas. Either place will involve FIL and MIL getting there (either flying or driving) and hotel and food costs. MIL doesn't really drive anymore, but there are lots of problems involved with flying, the most important of which is MIL's morbid obesity. We don't think she can fit into even a first class chair. It's a mess.

Last time FIL had surgery it took six weeks in a nursing home to recover and even after that it was a slow road. FIL takes care of MIL because she isn't physically able to do much. She has a hard time even walking out to the mail box. He does the shopping and most of the cooking. I can't even imagine what would happen if FIL is paralyzed.

Maybe SIL would move in with them and become qualified to be a caregiver under medicare. I think it pays more than the job she works, which is minimum wage. She's being required to sell her house under the divorce settlement (ex-BIL waited a few years to enforce this) so she'll need a place to go anyway.

I don't know how FIL and MIL will afford this. FIL is still working, but is also old enough to get his full social security check. MIL doesn't get social security because she never worked. Once FIL can't work anymore they won't have much income. It's not like we can really help financially. We're still paying off our own medical debt that we put on the credit cards years ago.

I don't know what they did with their inheritance from FIL's mother's house (around $50,000). I don't know where they stand financially anymore. They used to have a lot of debt, so hopefully they paid that off and maybe all they have is the mortgage. That would be nice, but somehow I doubt that's what happened.

The uncertainty of life sure can leave you staggering. Medical debt can be crushing. All I can do is hope for the best scenario, but even the best scenario will cost thousands of dollars. I don't even want to think about the worst.

7 Responses to “The More Things Change”

  1. rob62521 Says:
    1352680175

    The uncertainity of life is certainly frightening. Hope things work out well for your inlaws.

  2. PNW Mom Says:
    1352680462

    That IS really scary.....praying it will all work out well.

  3. snafu Says:
    1352682199

    LR: Your concern about in-law circumstances is well founded but there may be other factors currently unexplored. Wishing FIL best outcome and the other issues resolve without negative impacts. An outsider would realistically suggest MIL as you describe will likely need nursing home care soon. SA is an important site that encourages us all to start preparing for retirement now.

  4. Petunia 100 Says:
    1352689398

    It sounds as though MIL won't really be able to help FIL recuperate after surgery. Perhaps SIL should go along?

  5. LuckyRobin Says:
    1352690989

    Petunia--SIL can't go with them because she has kids in school and her ex won't take them. It is possible MIL's sister might be able to go along. She's retired.

  6. FrugalTexan75 Says:
    1352694618

    {{hugs}} I hope things work out.

  7. Thrifty Ray Says:
    1352701437

    What a huge worry. I sure hope all works out! You already have a very full plate- Frown

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