Did you ever have one of those days where you're walking around kind of outside of yourself? Like you are observing your life from a distance and though you are aware of it, you're just not really there in the moment. Today was like that, definitely a little left of center. I suppose I'm still reacting to that car accident behind the house. Maybe its a protective thing, so I don't really have to think about what I saw. Which is fine until night time when there is nothing left to distract me and it is all I can focus on.

DH flies home Wednesday and that will help so much. He is my rock. I think I've been left with this overwhelming sense of helplessness. To not be able to help someone that way, I don't even think I've come to terms with that. I just keep pushing it out of my mind, like stuffing things into the closet that you don't want to deal with until much later, if ever.

It is hard for me to focus on the financial right now. I had food delivered today, $70 worth of frozen cod and salmon from a frozen food wholesaler. It should last a good while. And I spent $2 on 64 ounces of an electrolyte solution for Rose. She's got a nasty stomach/intestinal virus and was getting pretty dehydrated. This is the same one Tobias had about 2 weeks ago. At least all the symptoms are the same. Let's just hope the sweethearts have not passed it along to me. That's the last thing I want to deal with right now.

I miss my sense of optimism. It got hit with a sharp knock this weekend and doesn't seem to want to come visiting.

Had a bit of a creepy morning when my old neighbor who had been evicted from his home two months ago came by. I figured he must have worked stuff out with his landlord. He wanted to use my phone and I was not about to let him into my home. Both of the cordless phones were charging and no way was I letting him in to use the corded phone. That guy just creeps me out. Then he wanted to borrow gas and I said I didn't have any. Like I would loan him anything ever again. He still owes me $11.55 from over a year ago.

Today after school I got a knock on the door. It was the Sherrif's department asking me if I'd seen my neighbor today. Apparently he didn't work stuff out with his landlord and was not supposed to be back on the property next door. He asked me some questions. I didn't know much, like I said the guy gives me the creeps so I try to avoid him like the plague. They had 3 police cars and 3 officers there for a half an hour. I don't know if the neighbor ever came home though or not.

You'd think having this stuff going on would have actually engaged me in my life today but it didn't really. I was still outside myself. I'm getting to know most of the sherrif's department this year. That's got to come in handy at some point.

I hope I can shake all this off soon and get back my positive happy outlook. I miss it, but at the moment I don't quite know where I put it. Somewhere outside the bubble.

Maybe tomorrow will be a nice normal day. I'm tired of the drama. I'd like to be bored instead, thank you.