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You Can't Pick Your Family

March 6th, 2018 at 11:30 pm

Mom's surgery was today. She had to be at the hospital at 6:30 a.m. She had her hip replaced and while they were in there they repaired a torn tendon they hadn't known about, which means her recovery is going to be a lot slower than they thought. Which also means I am going to need you all to pray for strength for me, because yet again it is all going to fall on me.

My one sister hasn't even called to see how she is doing. The other one called, but only after my aunt called her to see how Mom was doing. She had forgotten today was Mom's surgery. She did say thank you for being on top of everything. I said somebody has to, and she said better you than me. I kind of wanted to reach through the phone and shake her.

Then I told her what room number Mom is in and she isn't even going to go up and visit her. She'll be in the hospital for two days, possibly three, but oh, well, she has a "weird life," and "stuff to do." My sisters are not helpful when it comes to Mom, but I've just come to expect it.

Anyway, she came out of recovery around 1:00 and while she looked really pale, she was talking, hungry and asking for food. Which they still hadn't brought when I left around 2:30. She had a couple of crackers and some juice at least, but they were supposed to bring her lunch.

When I got home I called my aunt and gave her an update and then posted on Facebook so my cousins would know she was doing okay. I don't know why my aunt didn't just call me as I gave her my phone number when Mom had the shoulder surgery several months back.

I will be going back up tomorrow morning for her physical therapy session. They will teach us how to do the exercises properly. Supposedly they will teach her how to go up stairs with a walker. That's the part I am worried about because there are five steps into the house. Once we get her in it should be okay, there are no more stairs she will need to use. My son will be with me when we actually bring her home, though. DH will be at work, but thankfully DS is strong at almost 18 (a week from it).

I just hope my diet survives the next few weeks. I've lost 19 pounds since the start of February and I really don't want to start stress eating or worse, binge eating, again. Mom makes me want to do both on a good day, but when she is recovering from surgery that increases ten fold.

I prepped a ton of veggies today so that at least when she comes home I will not have to worry about that part of meal prep and can just easily cook dinners. I did six bell peppers, 2 yellow onions, 4 red onions, 6 stalks of broccoli, and 1 head of cauliflower. Tomorrow I will do carrots, celery, radishes, cucumbers, and parsnips.

I really should make up a meal plan as well. I've been flying by the seat of my pants for the last two months, but planning will be necessary once Mom is home. I just wish I didn't have to make separate meals for her. But Mrs. Pickypants has never met an herb or spice she liked besides onion salt, garlic salt, salt, pepper, and Lawry's seasoned salt.

We eat a much larger variety of herbs and spices and nowhere near the amount of salts. Plus she doesn't like vegetables other than broccoli, caulifower, green beans, potatoes, and corn. And she won't want broccoli and cauliflower while she is unable to get to the bathroom quickly. So lots of bland meals, all meat and potatoes, really.

She wouldn't get TV dinners this time to help, either. For some reason she wants good healthy food cooked fresh now. She doesn't even do that for herself. She didn't want to do up any homemade freezer meals ahead of time, either. So basically it feels like she just wants to make as much work as possible for me. Well, it's not going to happen. I will cook enough food for 3 dinners in a row, 3 lunches in a row, and either my son or I will make breakfasts each day for her. And if she gets bored with it, well, what's she going to do, get up and cook herself?

I really, really hope when I am old and dependent on my children, that I will not be difficult about things. Of course, I would prepare and freeze most of my foods ahead of time if it was me and if medicare would pay for nursing home care for two weeks, I'd go, not put it all on my kids because I wanted to be at home instead.

I love my mother very much, but the whole situation just frustrates me to no end. My sisters, I am not happy with at all.


6 Responses to “You Can't Pick Your Family”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    I hope it all goes better than expected! And yes, cook what is easiest for you because like you said she can't get up to get something different.

  2. PatientSaver Says:

    I sure wish I could give you a hug over the Internet. I know what it's like to have an unhelpful sisters. Mine never stepped up to the plate, never had anything to do with my mother when she became ill, actually, just letting the ball drop in my lap at the time my mother needed us both the most. She only went to see her when I told her she was in hospice. My mother died in December 2015 and I haven't talked to my sister since. She's never even tried to explain her behavior. So, yeah. I hear the frustration.

    I understand how stressful it can be taking care of a loved one. Some things never seem to change in our relationships with others, unfortunately.

    As for mom, you only have limited time and I don't feel you have to wait on her or duplicate meals at the dinner table. I think she should be appreciative for your care, and if you want to serve peas or sweet potatoes for dinner, you should!

  3. snafu Says:

    I wonder if your mom is too frightened of being in care during the initial days of recovery. She most certainly will not get food prepared as she prefers. The constant 'care' of blood pressure, temperature monitoring, blood draws, meds, examinations, bed making, garment changes, floor moping, doctor rounds and visitors for others is exhausting.

    The side effects from anesthetics can cause their own list of problems. Please make it easier on yourself. There is no excellence in home care, patients are uncomfortable and crankier than usual. I wish you the biggest sense of humour it's the only thing that helps. What helped me was keeping [wonky] patient busy noting schedule, bathrm trips & descriptions of getting there/back/results. Food liked/hated/tolerated. Side effects from everything from sunlight, room temperature, blanket, RX, OTC, skin care, feet & more. What they write in the notebook doesn't matter, it's just busy work. Will mom use a cell phone to text rather thancall or yell?

  4. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    I wonder if you could take a tray of vegetables in to your Mom to chop up each day. That would give her something to do. Then have her put each into baggies or covered containers just to take up a bit more time.... And maybe you could just channel binge eating toward all those vegetables you have already cut up. (Hey, I go straight to look for junk food and comfort food when I've had to spend time with certain people. I know how you might be tempted!)

  5. rob62521 Says:

    You have my prayers. I'm sorry for all this stress. You are a good daughter.

  6. FrugalTexan75 Says:


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