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Surfacing, Drowning

May 19th, 2017 at 11:03 pm

It's been a week since the emergency laser eye surgery and while it didn't seem like a big deal, it seems to have really sapped my strength. I was exhausted the first few days afterwards. I am having a hard time adjusting to the impaired vision. The spots are always there. Even when I close my eyes, if there is a light on, I can still see the big one against my eyelid, which makes it hard to get a rest from it during the day unless I cover my eye.

At least it goes away in darkness. At least I don't see it in my dreams. My vision has been bad for several years, but my glasses were always enough to correct it. The idea that these spots may be permanent unless I get another surgery to remove the vitreous and replace it with a solution of saline is very disheartening. Especially since there is no guarantee that new floaters won't develop.

I've dealt with so many health issues my entire adult life, but I always had the ability to escape into a book or into my writing. Now even that is tarnished. I can't read for long periods, because the right eye has to work too hard. It is better with large print books and zooming on the computer screen, but my eyes get so tired so fast trying to work around the floaters despite it. It kind of takes some of the joy from my life and makes me feel defeated.

I think I always took my eyesight for granted, even if it wasn't that good, it was good enough. Now...I don't know. It's like having a little bug flying in front of me constantly and nothing can make it go away. I just can't imagine having this for the rest of my life.

Usually I can look on the bright side and be optimistic, but with this, the fight has gone right out of me. I've never felt so overwhelmed before. I just want it all to go away, but I am afraid it never, ever will. It's the first time in my life where I've ever felt like giving up and it is a horrible feeling. And I'm helpless to do anything about it. Just wait and see. Or not see.

10 Responses to “Surfacing, Drowning”

  1. Amber Says:

    Aw LR I'm so sorry things aren't going as planned, I'll be sure to keep you on my prayer list. As far as reading, have you thought of audiobooks? I've heard great things from a colleague who actually uses them.

  2. LuckyRobin Says:

    Yeah, I've done audiobooks before, but I always fall asleep on them. Listening to podcasts tends to keep me awake, though.

  3. Carol Says:

    I am struggling with a bad floater too. Not as bad as yours. I was told it will eventually sink and not be so bothersome. For both our sakes I hope that's true.
    It is tiring and depressing, that's for sure.
    Would a second opinion from specialist help?

  4. creditcardfree Says:

    I'm so sorry! I will keep you in prayer. I can understand why it would feel so defeating. Consider some YouTube videos or podcasts that are uplifting for those with health concerns. I do believe in the power of the mind to help heal the body. Try to focus on how it will feel if you were completely healed. What a joy, right?

  5. creditcardfree Says:

    You might look at MSM eye drops and see if that is something to try.

  6. ceejay74 Says:

    I'm so sorry! I feel that way when I get tooth problems. I love food, so when I can't enjoy it I feel less joy in life overall. From your previous entry it sounded promising that this problem will clear up, so hang in there!

  7. LivingAlmostLarge Says:

    I am so sorry. I hope things can get better. Have you gone for followups? What caused the blobs? Are you with permenent blind spots? DH has blind spots and is pretty good. He will be 40 this year. Due to our situation we have compromised on many things including where we live. He is a on very regimented vitamin protocol that is known to help slow the progression. He sees a specialist every 2 years for measurements of the degeneration. Maybe you could see one too? My mom and MIL both had early cataracts and my mom a macular hole and my MIL the RP. So I've been with my parents during her month long eye bubble surgery for the macular hole and with my great aunt for her retinal attachment surgery. Get a second look if you aren't sure.

  8. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    I hope things get better soon.

  9. crazyliblady Says:

    I will echo what Amber said and add that my aunt is mostly blind due to a combination of birth defect and stroke uses audiobooks. She used to read a lot before she lost most of her sight and one day on the phone, she expressed her desire to read, but she can't read for more than a couple of hours a day. I suggested that she go down to the local public library and ask if they have audiobooks or a program for the blind. They did have resources for her. Someone picks out the books for her and she goes and picks them up. I hope that your vision problems improve soon.

  10. Dido Says:

    I'm so sorry to hear about the vision problems, and prayers that time will help you heal.

    Most Kindle books have a text-to-speech option so you can listen to them. The computer voice is not as nice as a human voice, but if you own the book, it's free, and as you get used to it, you notice it less.

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