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Thanksgiving with No Drama

November 24th, 2016 at 07:50 pm



I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving this year. We are staying home as we did last year and looking forward to a day of peace. My MIL and FIL are going to her brother's house. I don't care what my SIL is doing. My one sister never spends turkey day with anyone but her husband and kids. My other sister will probably stop by in the evening, but otherwise it will be just us and my mom.

I'm so tired of the extended family drama caused by DH's sister and I'm just not willing to put up with it anymore at Thanksgiving and I'm starting to feel that way about Christmas. She's making things so hard on her parents this year and quite frankly, she's always made things hard on us. Every holiday we've spent with them turned into a screaming match between her and her now ex-husband, her and one of her daughters, or her and whatever random guy she brought to Christmas each year after the divorce even if they'd only been dating for 3 weeks, until DH and I put our feet down several years ago about not bringing random men to Christmas. That didn't stop the fighting between her and her kids, but it kept the stranger element away.

DH's sister is having a fit apparently because we said this would be a good year to stop exchanging gifts with her since DH is out of work still and we don't have an income. She now has a grandchild and a new generation to focus on and DH doesn't have a job. She can funnel her money there and not worry about us anymore. She consistently gives us stuff we don't want, have specifically asked her to stop giving us, and can't use due to allergies and she knows it and ends up with it because of it. So really she's just buying it for herself anyway. The kicker is, she often manages to find a way to have FIL pay for it than never reimburses him.

My sisters and I stopped exchanging gifts 20 years ago. My mother and I about five years ago, other than a token. It's not like we're singling her out. But she's just being so selfish about this. This is the same woman who expected her parents to pay her mortgage for her when she lost her job and couldn't work for 2 months due to losing her credentials (she got them back, it was a wrongful termination), and totally lost it and didn't talk to them for 6 weeks when they didn't.

Even though her father is going through chemotherapy, is retired, and needs every cent to pay for the frequent trips to Seattle for treatment and his own mortgage and bills and food. They don't have extra. She had access to a HELOC, but her parents have always bailed her out before. She's tried to get us to pay her mortgage before in the past, too, right after trading in her car for a newer one she didn't need, and other questionable financial choices. We refused. The woman doesn't know how to pay money back to family.

It didn't occur to her that the circumstances her parents are in have changed since the last time and that they don't have the money to do that anymore. Oh, the fit she pitched about that. DH had to really go after her on that because she couldn't believe they didn't have the money.

And she's been stealing from his parents. They made the mistake of putting her name on one of their credit cards. Fortunately it only has a $2000 limit. The point of the card was so that when FIL was first recovering from surgery and DH was still working in Alaska, SIL could use the card to go pick things up at the grocery store for them or to pick them up food at a restaurant or to pick up prescriptions, at least until he could drive again. MIL doesn't drive anymore.

Turns out that she'd go to the grocery store and she'd buy their groceries and her groceries at the same time, on FIL's card. She'd go pick them up fast food, but she'd get food for herself and her daughter and eat it first before bringing them their now cold food from the restaurant. She'd go pick up a prescription at the pharmacy, but she'd slip some other items onto the bill. FIL sent her in to pick up some undershirts for him and she ended up buying herself several tops and her daughter a couple of pairs of jeans.

So the credit card is now maxed out and FIL is keeping it that way for now. DH and I agree they have to get the card back and take SIL off it, so hopefully DH can convince them. FIL is capable of driving now, DH is home when he's not, and heck, I'll take him, if it comes to that. I think FIL will be easy to convince. It's MIL who always gives in to SIL.

Though I think after the most recent stuff she might be finally seeing clearly. The latest was she finally called them the other night saying she was going to pick up something to eat and asking her if they wanted her to pick them up anything. But it was clear from her message that what she really wanted to know was if there was room on that credit card so she could use it to pay for her own meal and incidentally bring them by some food. FIL and MIL were asleep and didn't answer the phone.

I'm really at the point where I just don't want to have Christmas with her at all this year. Neither do the kids and I flat out asked DH and he said no, not really, but he was worried about how his folks would take it. I said we can still see his folks, just on our own. Two of the grandchildren are adults now, one with a child of her own. His parents will have to get used to the changes now anyway. And if we end up moving to Kentucky or Kansas we won't be coming back for holidays at all.

9 Responses to “Thanksgiving with No Drama”

  1. Bluebird Says:

    Wow, your SIL sounds like an extremely toxic person. Good for you, refusing to be subjected to the craziness. Happy Thanksgiving!

  2. starfishy Says:

    yikes - my head is spinning just from reading the description of your SIL, can't imagine living it. Frown glad you are having a low-key family day. you're thinking of moving to kentucky or kansas - is that a new plan?

  3. Carol Says:

    I hope you had a happy and calm Thanksgiving. That is one handsome bird in your picture!

  4. LuckyRobin Says:

    Bluebird--She was spoiled rotten growing up. No limits. I don't even understand how she and DH came out of the same house, honestly. It's like night and day.

  5. LuckyRobin Says:

    Starfishy--I had get it out of my system. It's been building up. DH has had some interviews for jobs in Kansas and Kentucky. If he gets offered one, we'll probably move.

  6. LuckyRobin Says:

    Carol--Thanks. That's George. He's the tom from our Royal Palm breeding pair of heritage turkeys.

  7. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    It sounds like having Thanksgiving minus SIL is a good idea.

  8. rob62521 Says:

    Wow, I bet you are thankful to celebrate Thanksgiving without SIL. She sounds like a very selfish person.

    I had a family member who was not happy when I told her a number of years ago we wouldn't be exchanging Christmas gifts. I was working full time, paying for graduate school, and DH was working. He worked for the public library and I worked for the school district. Neither of us made a whole lot. I didn't want to take out student loans so we were paying for my classes as I went. It made things very tight. She couldn't believe when I suggested that since money was tight, we would just give to our moms and not give to the other adults. She informed me that I would have plenty of money once I received my degree and I shouldn't get so cheap now. I stood my ground and said no. Then a few years later she wanted to reinstitute the gifts and I said no.

    Hope DH's job interviews go well.

  9. mallams square Says:

    this is a very nice and wonderful post. thanks for the updates.

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