I live, write, and garden in the PNW with my husband of 27 years, disabled daughter, college-aged son, and my 84-year-old mother. We have paid off $250,000.00 worth of debt (if you include the interest) in the last fifteen years and as of 6/12/2020 are 100% DEBT FREE!!!!Some things really test my willingness to be charitable. I don't mean charitable in the sense of giving money, although I do in a way, but I mean more along the lines of having (or not having) kind thoughts towards people.
I have a friend-ish person, and I know I've mentioned the situation on here at least once, who was in very dire straits not too long ago. I mean, down to the last half cup of rice, power was turned off, propane tank was empty, was selling everything she could possibly sell just to afford her medications for chronic illnesses that she and her husband both have and was outright asking for money from people.
I put a lot of effort into trying to find help for her because I couldn't afford to donate any money at the time. And then eventually, a month later I could. She begged pretty incessantly for money from everyone in a certain circle. I scraped up $100 to help her and I do mean scraped. I mean, food, electric, heat, medicine...pretty dire.
And then she spent $1000 of the money that folks had donated to her to take her pet to the vet and have a surgery done. Which I am sorry, but if you are begging people for money for food and other essentials, you do not then take a sixteen-year-old deaf/blind/arthritic cat to the vet for $1000 knee surgery. I mean, I get that you love your pet, but at that point, quality of life for the pet is gone, surgery or none. You are not doing this for the cat, you are doing this for selfish reasons. And you have no bloody food to eat. Spare the amount for euthanasia and grieve, but don't waste what people worked hard to give you.
Well, it's been almost a year since it all began and now she is going around begging for money again, this time for a start up business that is going to save them once and for all. And it actually might. I mean there is a chance. It looks good on paper, she's got the experience, etc. But I feel like I got burned the last time I tried to help her. And I don't want to help her, because I don't trust she would use the money for what she claims she will use it for after wasting it last time. I will not give her more money, but I just...am having a very hard time keeping my mouth shut and my heart from being cynical when she puts out these pleas for help.
I know if I open my mouth the words that come out will not be ones I will be proud of. I have no idea what to even say. I know what I want to say, but I also know that that's not what I really want to say. I know the last money I gave her was a gift. I had no expectations for it other than that she spend it on what she said she needed it for.
I thought I had let this go. I really had. But all this renewed begging...well, I could have put that $100 to much better use at the time. And I do resent being lied to. I don't know what to do. There are reasons I don't want to burn this bridge. Very selfish reasons on my end. So I know I need to let this go, because once I gave her the money it was no longer my money. I know that in my head. But I still feel betrayed in my heart.
How do I let this go?
Venting Over Wasted Money
December 10th, 2013 at 09:31 am
December 10th, 2013 at 11:13 am 1386674027
December 10th, 2013 at 11:43 am 1386675796
December 10th, 2013 at 01:46 pm 1386683189
I do sympathize. It's a hard position to be in, especially when you give and are disappointed.
In these situations, I always hedge my bet and drop off a box of food like pasta, sauce, fresh and canned fruit and veggies, bread, peanut butter, and any ingredients I think they can use. That has always been my m.o. for folks who are really scraping.
If I were you, I might pass this time.
December 10th, 2013 at 03:21 pm 1386688914
Sheesh, now I'm mad at her and I don't even know her.
December 10th, 2013 at 03:29 pm 1386689355
She sounds like my sister. Her pets are more important to her than the people in her life. Maybe they understand her better!
December 10th, 2013 at 03:34 pm 1386689675
I'm still mad about that one.
And for the record, I wouldn't even do a box of food for her this time around. Clearly, her problems are self-created by bad decision making, and you know, fool me once...
December 10th, 2013 at 03:58 pm 1386691112
December 10th, 2013 at 05:23 pm 1386696188
December 10th, 2013 at 11:48 pm 1386719336
December 11th, 2013 at 04:36 am 1386736590
December 13th, 2013 at 02:57 am 1386903451
I wouldn't give her a cent. Friends begging for money not using it wisely rubs me the wrong. I have pets and understand the desire to help them in every way possible but not at the expense of others.